Back in time effortlessly to pick up his pension, law-unto-himself barrister Arthur Puckrin has returned from Hawaii as world Over 60s deca-triathlon champion - the toughest Over 60 club on earth.
The 14 day event involved - embraced may hardly be the word - a 24-mile swim, 1,120-mile cycle ride and ended with a 262-mile run, the equivalent of ten successive marathons.
It also involved temperatures which stayed at 95 degrees all day - Arthur's old enough still to talk Fahrenheit - and dipped only to 75 degrees at night.
"It was the most agonising two weeks of my life," says the 66-year-old from Acklam, Middlesbrough. "The heat was intolerable; I craved sleep, absolutely longed for it."
Despite losing most of the skin from his back, he completed the swim in 26 hours 45 minutes. Straight onto his bike, he discovered that the wind was blowing a gale, too.
"One of the Irish lads was even hit by a falling tree, but luckily it glanced off his helmet. I was riding with an ice pack beneath mine."
The ride finally over, his blisters turned septic, he began the multi-marathon but after 180 miles ran, as it were, out of time.
After a suitable rest, the worldwide contestants thanked the organiser and said they'd all thoroughly enjoyed themselves. "You guys," said the organiser, "are sick."
After a rest over Christmas, the indomitable Arthur aims for the "double ironman" event, 7,000ft up in the Andes, in March. That organiser, he concedes, probably had a point.
Arthur Puckrin is but a bairn compared to Trimdon flier Len Watson, whose 90th birthday we attempted to record in last Friday's Backtrack. Unfortunately, however, the column described the Len the Leap's milestone as "nine score years" - prompting a gentle note from Jacqueline Watson in Sunderland.
Jacqueline may be a relation, and certainly works for a solicitor. "I'm not surprised his leaping days are over," she says. "I don't know anyone who can live, let alone leap, at the age of 180."
Still trying to get out of that damn great hole, the gentlemen of Tow Law FC are drinking to a boost from an improbable source - the church ladies' coffee morning has contributed £443 to club funds.
"It's absolutely astounding. I don't know how anyone can raise that much in one coffee morning," says club chairman Harry Hodgson.
"They've always been good givers in Tow Law," says Elsie Barlow, enrolling member of St James's Mothers' Union. Word is that the cakes were creme de la creme, an' all.
Mrs Barlow, who ran a newsagency with her late husband, opened the old shop for only the second time in 12 years - the first was to sell tickets when the Lawyers reached the FA Vase final at Wembley in 1998.
"I've lived here a long time and my husband always went to matches," she says. "The football club has been here a long time, too, and people wouldn't like to see it go down."
The penalty area chasm, for which the Coal Authority has accepted responsibility and dug deep, opened up suddenly three months ago, severely hitting the club's cash flow. They hope to return after Christmas.
No such generous response at Willington, in danger of losing Northern League status after 94 successive seasons - and just a year from the club's centenary.
Club chairman John Phelan's appeal through these pages for local business backing has produced just one response - £20 from a 72-year-old lady.
"I know what they say about the widow's mite and we're most grateful, but it's disappointing that there's been so little interest elsewhere," says John.
Despite the efforts of player/manager Stan Cummins, the former Sunderland and Middlesbrough midfielder, the club still has just four points - and six goals - from 16 games.
Last Tuesday at North Shields, Willington could muster just 11 players, including three goalkeepers and Stan, who had a trapped nerve in his back.
"I started the game so we wouldn't get fined for being a man short but then came off straight away," says Stan, 46 yesterday. "Things around here are starting to look desperate."
Another meeting at the FA in London last Friday, Sven gazing wistfully - or so it seemed - at the trophy cabinet in the foyer and an interesting conversation on the train with a senior man from one of the North-East's big three.
He was on his way to the High Court to defend a slander action brought - after some risky radio comments - by a players' agent.
His knee jerk defence - "How the hell can you slander an agent?" - is perhaps echoed by Hartlepool United chairman Ken Hodcroft and by this cartoon (right) in the latest Monkey Business, United's fanzine.
Speaking of Hartlepool, and of the need to generate income, a panel in last Saturday's admirable match programme notes that even team manager Neale Cooper's towel has a sponsor - a young lady called Karen Dickson. Possibly it's an in-joke: it'll all come out in the wash.
Once or twice over the years we've recalled the improbable occasion, February 15 1958, when Cornsay Park Albion hosted Sunderland Reserves in the Durham Challenge Cup. A new book has a splendid photograph of the great day.
Cornsay Park were in the Durham Central League, changed in the back room of the Royal Oak, walked through the crowded bar and washed thereafter in the communal tin bath.
Sunderland, then the only team never to have played outside the first division, included promising youngsters like Alan Spence and Jimmy McNab, goalkeeper Johnny Bollands and Scottish internationals Joe McDonald and Charlie "Cannonball" Fleming - who died on the day that the Stadium of Light hosted its first league match.
The photograph shows the Sunderland side, looking a bit bewildered and more than a bit nithered, on the 300 yard walk from pub to Penwire Park. Wrapped against the west Durham winter, a supporters train snakes behind them.
The game ended 1-1, both sides missing penalties. Sunderland, back in more salubrious surroundings, won the Roker Park replay 4-2.
The photograph's in Caseys, Cups and Canny Lads, Alan Brett's 128-page collection of memories and fascinating old photographs of football in the old county of Durham. Published by Black Cat at £9 99, it's available from Ottakar's in Darlington and from bokshops in Sunderland, Newcastle and the MetroCentre - a perfect Christmas present.
And finally...
the first player/manager to transfer himself (Backtrack, December 3) was Ivor Broadis, who in 1949 moved from Carlisle to Sunderland for £18,000.
Christened Ivan - he became "Ivor" because someone couldn't read his handwriting on a contract - 23-year-old Broadis had become United's player/manager in 1946, without ever having played a Football League game, and top scored in all three seasons at Brunton Park.
Today back to Sunderland, who in the 1970s were managed by two men who made a slightly bigger name as managers of Sunderland and Middlesbrough.
Readers are invited to name them. The column returns on Friday
Published: 07/11/2004
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