The Heist (C4): HOW many times have you watched a heist film and thought, as thieves stole something from a supposedly impregnable place, "They could never do that in real life?"

I have news for you, The Heist sets out to prove that crime can pay by employing real criminals - retired, of course.

The use of ex-lawbreakers to steal things for C4 has angered some, but as TV uses experts in every other programme, everyone from psychologists to gardeners, why not here?

What wasn't addressed was what would have happened if the gang had felt the need to use violence during their TV thievery. With the ex-armed robber who was once Britain's most wanted man among the team, we must assume these aren't the sort of people who say please and thank you when going about their unlawful business.

The boss of the C4 gang was Joey Pyle, a friend of the Krays with convictions for GBH and drug-smuggling. I couldn't resist smiling when the narrator informed us that "Today he's reformed and works in music industry management". Does he go around telling people: "Buy my client's record or else"?.

A jewel thief, extortionist and computer hacker were among his associates challenged to steal a painting from the London Arts Fair.

The head of security there knew a robbery was planned and viewed it as a good test of security. He was confident they wouldn't get away with it. How wrong he was.

Ex-jewel thief and cat burglar Peter Scott didn't like the look of the modern building housing the exhibition. The places from which he "borrowed" paintings were "elderly and very friendly buildings".

It was fascinating watching, through hidden cameras, ex-armed robber Terry Smith casing the joint and finding a loophole in security - a window in a CCTV blackspot.

The plan saw them posing as window cleaners and breaking in during the early hours of the morning, taking the painting off the wall and leaving with it the same way they entered. It went surprisingly smoothly, virtually without a hitch.

The gang were set a further challenge - to cash in on the heist. Finding a buyer was impossible, so they tried to claim the reward from the insurance company. Negotiations collapsed and that was the end of the matter. The only people who gained - apart from C4 in the ratings - was the Business Design Centre, where the exhibition was held. They were able to plug the security breach identified by the criminals.

An end note told us that Peter Scott was a Walter Mitty character who married four glamorous women (not all at the same time, I hope) and lost them all. Now he has a gammy leg and tends flowers in the church garden. This seemed superfluous, nothing more than an excuse to show that criminals aren't happy and justify their use in the programme.

Published: 08/12/2004