WE'RE all looking forward to Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy's starring role in EastEnders. Might we expect a few surprise appearances from other leading political figures in the Square?

Monday: The new market inspector Gordon Brown trebles the stallholders' rent, throwing out those who won't pay up. He agrees he's the best market inspector the Square has ever had. David Blunkett arrives in Albert Square and announces he is the father of Little Mo's baby.

Tuesday: John Prescott marches into the Queen Vic and demands to know where the Mitchell brothers are because he's looking for a fight: "My position is that I want to make our position clear. The basic point that it is necessary in order to tolerate that because it's not a policy difference only." "Woss eee talkin' abaht?", says Peggy. Blunkett breaks it all up with the shocking news that Dirty Den never did it, and that he is the father of Michelle's baby.

Wednesday: A homeless Mo Mowlam moves into the B&B but tells anyone who will listen: "I used to live in a palatial Government apartment, you know." Big Mo is furious. "We can't have two Big Mos. This Square ain't big enough for the both of us," she roars. Blunkett says he, not Ian, is the father of Laura Beale's baby.

Thursday: New doctor Alan Milburn refuses to come out to see Pauline in the middle of the night because he wants to spend more time with his family. "Call NHS Direct," he tells her. She needs some sedatives after a strange man with a dog came round to tell her that he, and not her son Martin, is the father of Sonia's baby.

Christmas Eve: William Hague turns up claiming to be the Mitchell brothers' long-lost younger brother. Peggy admits it's true: "It's obvious, innit? Ee's a slap-head." Sister Sam wails: "So who's the daddy?" All eyes turn to Blunkett.

Christmas Day: New resident Michael Howard is hailed a have-a-go hero after he blasts an intruder, who slid down the chimney into the Fowlers' house, with a shotgun. "Albert Square is in safe hands now," he says. Police are still searching for the injured man described as "very, very old, with white hair and a beard and wearing a red suit". Residents gather for the carol service, led by the Rev Tony Blair, in the centre of the Square. Blunkett runs towards the Nativity scene crib, shouting: "That baby is mine." The Rev Blair tells him he always knew he had ideas above his station: "But this is taking it a bit far."

Next week in Coronation Street: New nurse Anne Widdecombe creates a stir at the surgery when she refuses to give women the contraceptive pill."It's time you all learned to say no," she says. Audrey makes a beeline for dashing stranger Michael Portillo when he calls in for a drink at The Rovers. "I have my own salon. I could work wonders with that hair," she says. Margaret Beckett parks her caravan in the street when she moves next door to Les Battersby. "She's lowering the whole tone of the neighbourhood," he says. A blind man with a dog gets into Steve's taxi and announces that he is the father of Karen's baby. And Tracey's. And Sarah-Lou's. And Ashley's. And so on....