CHRISTMAS wouldn't be Christmas without the annual visit to see what's happening on Blue Peter (BBC1, Monday).

The now veteran presenter Konnie Huq fumbled her way through making a tree-top angel from a sawn-off plastic bottle, old sock and crumpled crepe paper.

Never was someone more rescued by the "here's one I made earlier" element of the exercise.

"Well, I wouldn't stick that on the top of my tree," declared my Mrs Bah Humbug at home, who has a pink fit with her leg in the air about shuffling around the furniture to accommodate this piece of festive greenery.

Worse was to come - and that's nothing to do with average needle-retaining tree prices hitting the £30 mark this year.

A band called Phixx proceeded to sing yet another song for Christmas which was revealed as the work of Co Durham-born presenter Matt Baker.

In the true tradition of goodwill to all men, my wife commented: "It's terrible, Matt, you needn't have bothered." And the offer to visit the Blue Peter website to hear the song again received a hearty "let's not".

All this enthusiasm for festive failure had actually got off to quite a good start. Dear old Rolf Harris producing a Children In Need Christmas card for Rolf On Art (BBC1, Sunday) again showed Britain's favourite TV frontman as an engrossing enthusiast of the easel. Pity every card created had already been sold.

Then there was Agatha Christie's Marple (ITV1, Sunday).

"How the devil can you have a Scottish Miss Jane Marple (Geraldine McEwan) from middle England St Mary Mead? And she comes across as downright evil," said Mrs BH, who found the first of four dramas "too much like a Michael Winner production and far too modern in places".

There was also a lesbian link between the killers which, sadly, Agatha somehow overlooked in her original book. Why didn't Kevin Elyot's adaptation go the whole hog and turn the amateur sleuth into a wheelchair-using West Indian with a feisty female Asian assistant?

Still, at least that settles the great debate about what to watch on Boxing Day with Miss Marbles, as she's affectionately known in our house, running against Sherlock Holmes on BBC1.

Another tradition is The Royal Variety Performance (BBC1, Wednesday) where the presence of the Prince of Wales inspired the youthful inclusion of Tommy Steele, Cliff Richard and, particularly, Liza Minnelli trying to recapture some of her old magic.

At least extracts from The Producers and an insight into North-East-inspired musical Billy Elliot were welcome highlights. However, Mrs BH caught sight of Bath Boy (aka David O'Mer) who "performed" using acrobatic arm straps to dive in and out of a bath-tub full of water.

"How is splashing the first three rows of the audience entertaining... and why is he drinking the water he's just had his feet in?" she observed.

Fortunately, the best regional Christmas present of all was the opening of The Sage Gateshead on The Culture Show (BBC2, Thursday) and all national news channels.

The normal cynical TV reporting style failed to take the shine off this magnificent achievement. Even Mrs BH fancies one of the forthcoming concerts.

Published: 18/12/2004