Christmas Lights (ITV1); Love Cruise (five): NOT content with Christmas trees and paper chains indoors, people have moved outdoors to decorate the exterior of their homes with lights, Santas and reindeer in increasing numbers.

So, in that sense, Christmas Lights was frighteningly topical. Otherwise, this was a predictably old-fashioned, sentimental family drama in which it was clear from the start that terrorists weren't going to gun down everyone as they tucked into Christmas dinner.

Bob Mills and Jeff Pope's script ticked all the right boxes for a feelgood seasonal drama - family conflict, a couple desperate for a child, possible redundancy at work and Robson Green being all twinkly. He was playing Colin, a cocky but basically nice chap forever trying to get one up on his friend and brother-in-law next door, Howie (Mark Benton). "They're like a couple of kids arguing all the time," it was noted.

As well as being friends and neighbours, they worked for the same freight company. Howie's promotion and the threat of sackings, with Colin a prime candidate for the chop, caused the pair to go to war - each trying to outshine the other at adorning their houses with flashing lights and Christmas decorations.

"What happened about peace on earth and goodwill to all men?," asked one.

"Stuff it," said the other (and he wasn't referring to the turkey).

Wise old father-in-law Eric had the measure of the conflict between the pair, describing them as like the Americans and Russians in the '60s. "It'll escalate like the missiles, like Cuba all over again," he added.

It took a potentially life-threatening illness for peace to break out, followed by a unabashed tear-jerking finale involving a baby at which only Scrooge could have resisted shedding a tear.

Green was in his element as the competitive Colin, a bit of a slacker and boaster who came through in the end. Benton was more than a match as the equally determined Howie. A pity that a couple of decent actresses like Nicola Stephenson and Maxine Peake were largely wasted as their wives.

Love Cruise is one of those trashy US reality shows that can become compulsive viewing if you're not careful. Eight men and eight women are aboard a luxury yacht looking for love with the winning couple promised a trip around the world and $200,000.

Flash-dating, in which couples had six minutes to get to know each other, produced interesting snatches of chat-up conversation, including "I would like to suck on your toes" and the more conventional "You have gorgeous eyes".

Each woman picked a man with whom to share a cabin. Some seemed more prepared than others. "I just realised there's a camera here," said Bob as he inspected his bunk. What else did he expect on a TV programme?.

What'll keep me watching is the presence of Toni, a breast-enlarged blonde. I last saw her on another US reality show, Paradise Hotel, in which she caused endless trouble and, when angry, resembled Glenn Close in bunny-boiling Fatal Attraction mood. Hitting an iceberg would be the least of the couples' worries with her aboard.

Published: 21/12/2004