With one in three marriages ending in divorce, more and more parents are spending Christmas without their children. Women's Editor Lindsay Jennings looks at the dilemmas separated families face and how they can overcome them.

EVERYTHING about the scene suggested it was Christmas Day. The presents were wrapped up and placed carefully under the tree. Little talcum powder footprints had been dotted around the carpet - visible signs that Santa had paid a visit. Steve Preston had even changed the ring tune on his mobile phone to Jingle Bells and arranged for a friend to call - giving the impression to his children that Santa was on the phone. The tantalising smell of a full Christmas dinner wafted in from the kitchen.

"They actually came downstairs and everything, it was just like Christmas morning - only it was the day before," says Steve, from Newcastle.

"But at least I got to see them. This year I may not get to see them at all."

Like thousands of parents across the country, Steve, 41, is divorced. He has spent four years and £40,000 in legal fees fighting for access to his two boys. For him, Christmas is a time of year he dreads.

"When we first divorced and I faced the first Christmas without them, it made me very ill. I was on anti-depressants and trying to be happy and jolly for the kids," he says sadly.

"Over the years, if ever I've got to see them, it's been on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. But it can end up quite fraught because you have to fit in all your family who want to see them."

This year he was due to see his two boys, both aged under ten, on Boxing Day, a move which was supported by a court order. But just four days before Christmas, he is having to go through the courts to have the order upheld after his ex-wife withdrew access. He may not see them at all over Christmas.

"I'm left with the option of sitting in the house on my own or going to my parents and watching everybody else enjoy Christmas while I'm thinking about my kids," he says, overcome with emotion.

"Christmas means nothing to me if I can't see them because children is what Christmas is all about. All you can do is tell them that you still love them and that Santa loves them too."

It is painful for separated parents to be apart from their children at any time, but at Christmas the pain is even more acute. Spending Christmas alone can leave parents feeling isolated and lonely, with the additional stress for some, like Steve, who are fighting for access to children on Christmas Day. There are also the financial worries, particularly if children are expecting the same gifts from a single budget.

The support organisation for lone parents, Gingerbread, receives up to a third more calls during the run-up to Christmas.

Spokeswoman Krista Everington says: ''Christmas can be a particularly stressful time for lone parents, bringing extra financial pressures and heightening difficulties over contact arrangements.

''As Christmas is such a family-focused event, it can be a difficult time for parents and children to be apart."

The charity One Parent Families recognises it is a distressing time of year for separated parents and has produced a leaflet offering various tips to help separated parents cope with the Christmas period.

One piece of advice is for lone parents to start their own traditions, whether it's baking a Christmas cake or decorating the tree together.

Says the charity: "If this is your first Christmas as a one parent family, your children may find it hard to cope with changes to the way the family celebrate the holiday period and need help to focus on the things that haven't changed.

"As well as keeping some old traditions, creating new ones can be a positive way to help your children enjoy what can be a difficult time."

Other tips include getting together with other lone parent groups in the area and taking control over financial matters.

"If your budget is tight don't feel pressure to overspend," says the charity.

"Work out what money you will have over the holiday period and what you can afford to spend. Sometimes the pressure to spend might come from you. Don't forget when your children are older they will remember whether they were loved and happy rather than which present they did or did not get."

But it's often access which can prove one of the most testing parts of Christmas. One Parent Families advises planning contact arrangements as far in advance as possible. "It's easier and less emotional for both parents if arrangements about who the children are going to be with at special times of the year are worked out in advance," the charity says.

"You may also find it easier to come to an arrangement for the year as a whole. If your children are going to be away you could see this as some time to do something for yourself, maybe getting together with some friends."

John Furness, a consultant pediatrician at Darlington Memorial Hospital, says he now sees his ten-year-old daughter, Megan, over New Year instead of Christmas.

'The first Christmas we both tried to see her it was distressing for her," says John, from Newcastle, and a member of campaign group Fathers 4 Justice. "She was only three and she was absolutely exhausted what with trying to do two Christmases and eating two Christmas dinners."

After the first year, John and his ex-wife had Megan on alternate Christmases. But that came to an end when the pair had an argument over access. It resulted in John forgoing Christmas contact in order to see more of his daughter over the New Year period.

"I sacrificed my contact at Christmas to make sure that I definitely saw her at some point over the Christmas period," he says.

"The first time without her it was quite upsetting and I felt like I didn't really want to bother with Christmas at all. One of the most difficult aspects was the uncertainty, that your child might by missing you and having an awful time even though they're probably not. Now I know that she is happy there and so it's not half as distressing."

But he found that pretending to have another Christmas Day over the New Year did not work for either him or his daughter.

"It's very difficult to know whether it's the right thing," he says. "Having a second Christmas can feel a bit forced, and like you're rubbing salt in the wounds for the child. I think my daughter would rather just have a good time over New Year. She's got her presents here and knows that Father Christmas comes to both houses."

It is still a difficult time of year - for everyone involved.

"I would just say remember that your children are the most important things of all and that it spoils their Christmas if they are aware that their mum and dad are fighting about it," he says.

"Sometimes you have to grin and bear it."

But that will be extremely hard for Steve, who thought he had his access plans sorted well in advance. Four days before Christmas, he is desperately hoping a judge can be found in time to uphold the court order allowing him to see his children on Boxing Day.

"You can't explain to people how awful it is to be without your children at Christmas because if you've never lived through it, you won't understand," he says.

* Some of the names in this article have been changed.

* Gingerbread (0800 018 4318)

* One Parent Families (0800 018 5026)

* Fathers 4 Justice www.fathers-4-justice.org