A year in the life of Backtrack

Former Middlesbrough footballer and Darlington manager Ray Yeoman, 69. "If I ever get back for dinner," he once said, "it's such a big occasion that the children go round the street, telling everyone I'm home."

Frankie Baggs, sportsman and entertainer from Hartlepool. Genuinely funny and genuinely nice. They carried out his coffin to the strains of "This is a lovely way to spend an evening."

"Gentleman" George Hardwick, uncomplainingly stood in third class from Darlington to Glasgow before captaining Great Britain at Hampden Park.

Derek Stonehouse, 71, former Darlington and Middlesbrough footballer and "legendary" Guisborough wicket keeper.

Laurie Pratt, 89, last survivor of Willington's 1939 Amateur Cup final side.

Brian Clough, pipe chewing former Billingham Synner and intended MP for Richmond.

Lee Storey, 39, long serving Heighington cricketer.

Harry Smurthwaite, 68, Bishop Auckland cricketer and one of life's gentlemen.

Fred Jarrie, 81, Crook Town's goalkeeper in the 1954 Amateur Cup final.

Jimmy Robinson, the Hebburn Heckler, aged 100.

Old Favourites

Bulldog Billy Teesdale, the Demon Donkey Dropper of Eryholme - 8-30 against East Cowton, Hodgy, Bomber Smith, Hails of Hartlepool, the Beardless Wonder, the Durham diocesan cricket team, Len "the Leap" Watson, just turned 90, Mad Frankie Fraser, right, ("looks a bit like Harold Steptoe scrubbed up for a reunion").

Indomitables

Bill Smith of North Cowton, still playing weekly five-a-side football at 80. "I still play up front," he said, "there's plenty of time to go into defence when you're older."

Jack Watson, 83, still scouting and scouring and belatedly taken up bowls.

Kevin Cooper, 43, successfully managing Crook Over 40's team despite suffering from multiple sclerosis.

Sir Bobby.

Steve Davies, 52, Darlington insurance broker and multiple track cycling champion.

Arthur Puckrin, 65, Boro barrister and world "iron man" medal winner.

Vince Kirkup, now manager at Brandon FC. "We're not just three bus drivers, two shepherds and the guy who runs the corner shop," he said.

Former multiple swimming champion Jack Hatfield, still doing 1200 metres daily despite severe arthritis.

Anniversaries

Kimblesworth CC 125; Castle Eden CC 100; Shildon Railway FC 50; former Newcastle United full back Charlie Crowe, 80; Billingham Synthonia 2,000 Northern League games; Pat Partridge (below), 50 years in refereeing; John Thompson, 50 years a Kirby Sigston cricketer; 50 years since Bishop Auckland v Crook Town - the greatest ever Amateur Cup final.

A little knowledge... ten things Backtrack readers might never have known

Judge John Bailey, who heard one of the George Reynolds cases, made 99 appearances for Durham County Cricket Club between 1961-71.

"Crepuscular" means twilight.

The great Len White was once kicked off the Newcastle United treatment table because manager Charlie Mitten's greyhound needed attention.

Made in Willington, Flop Gibson's pies are exported to St Lucia.

After succeeding Len Ashurst as Sunderland manager, Lawrie McMenemy found his predecessor's last will and testament in his desk drawer.

When Sammy Chapman took an early bath against Leeds in 1971, it was the first time a Nottingham Forest player had been sent off for 32 years.

Grumpy Gow lived next door to Oor Wullie.

The word "snooker" comes from Indian army abuse for an officer cadet.

Fifty three arrests for possessing CS gas were made at this year's Wimbledon.

The Dog and Gun at Knayton, near Thirsk, may be the only pub with a Subbuteo league. "We're trying to develop mini-soccer" quips North Riding FA chief executive Mark Jarvis.

Minority sports covered by the column

Egg jarping, darts, dominoes, trampolining, draughts - "I'm quite good at draughts," says George Reynolds, "but you can't sit around all your life doing that."

Quotes

"It's an Englishman's right to do so, especially against Arsenal" - Judge Michael Taylor clears a Boro fan who fell asleep at the match.

"All I can tell you is that if a referee says black's white, it usually is" - Shildon (now Ashington) manager Ray Gowan.

"Before you went on the field you had to down half a bottle of whisky. Only Ron McGarry could do that" - Stuart Alderson on his 1960s days at Newcastle United.

"I just thought it would be a bit of fun to head butt the glass door" - Gazza.

"He's an animal" - Sedgefield owner Bill Cummings appraises Fleet Street, his horse.

"It was just awesome, no other word, the most complete football performance I've ever seen" - Teesside referee Jeff Winter after Portsmouth 1 Arsenal 5.

"There's no other man in the game who'd remember his roots like this" - Willington FC chairman John Phelan on Sir Bobby Robson.

"Hungary 1953? They murdered us to death" - Sir Bobby Robson.

"It's hard work here, mind, the blooming kids won't leave anything alone" - York City record scorer Norman Wilkinson, 74, on life as a committee man at Annfield Plain.

"When I say I'm going out for the night, it's usually to the gym" - Mark Clattenburg, at 29 the Premiership's youngest referee, resists the temptations of living on Newcastle's Quayside.

Women in sport

Margaret Tinkler, chairman of Darlington FC Supporters trust. "People have pointed out that I'm a woman. I congratulate them for being so observant."

Vera Selby, 74, snooker and billiards champion and compelling speaker. "You can't say she's an after dinner speaker," says her host at Tow Law, "because you're not getting any dinner."

Sister Josepha, Newcastle primary school head teacher and Magpies fan. "It's no way to treat your heroes," she says, after Sir Bobby is dismissed.

Redcar MP Vera Baird, 50, starring in the parliamentary women's football team. "I'm not as bad as you might think,." she says.

Stacey Woodrow, 19, the Northern League's first female referee in 115 years. "I know I'm a bit of a novelty," she says.

Katy Dunn, 12, British champion trampolinist from Spennymoor.

Cynthia Simpson, Peterlee CC tea lady and poet - not the retiring type

Expletives deleted

"You can ****** off, an' all" - Chester-le-Street FC general manager Joe Burlison (right), told not to swear on the radio.

"Is that ****** all?" - Bulldog Billy Teesdale discovers there's £95 in the White Swan swear box.

"I remember him once whacking me across the **** with a garden cane for not doing my press-ups" - former Bishop Auckland footballer Michael Barker recalls manager Lawrie McMenemy.

"I don't give a ****** who he was, he ought to have had more sense" - Yorkshire and England cricketer Ted Wainwright, after telling off the Rev Cyril Alington (later Dean of Durham) for riding his bike across the square.

"You cheating Scottish *******" - fellow countryman's remark to the referee at Linlithgow v Hill of Beith.

"Just kick their ******* ****s" - David Speedie, another Scot, gives advice to Darlington RA Over 40s.

Away days

Telford, where much travelled football manager Mick Jones - Sunderland lad - had guided the locals to the FA Cup fourth round. Having been all around the Wrekin, he found himself in the middle of it.

Congleton, v Billingham Synthonigham Synthonia. Known as Beartown, because the medieval citizens sold the municipal bible to buy a dancing bear.

West Ham United, against Chester-le-Street in the FA Youth Cup - "the Boleyn Ground as empty and echoing as one of old Henry's marriage proposals."

Linlithgow, with the FA Cup final escape committee (and scotch pie fest).

Slingsby: the annual encounter with the wonderful Feversham cricket League, now up to five members.

Blackpool, an early August catch-up with former FA chief executive Graham Kelly, 58, pictured. "It's the same dilemma at the start of every season, I don't know whether to buy a pair of new boots," he says.

Soho Square: far too often.

London, where Crook police sergeant's son Stewart Regan, 40, is director of the newly named Football League Championship. "Taking the family to a Premiership game these days is like taking them to Disneyland," he says.

Kildare, all Irish.

Sedgefield races, where Fashion's Monty wins the Norton and Stockton Ancients Silver Plate Handicap Chase (Class E) at 50-1. "Had the poor beast carried a plume in its bridle and been pulling the Co-op hearse," the column noted, "it could hardly have been greeted by a more profound silence."

More quotes

"We aren't allowed at the highest level to referee using common sense" - retiring Football League referee Roy Pearson, Horden lad.

"What do you mean, kneecap him?" - Peter Beardsley, asked at a talk-in what Newcastle were going to do about the manager.

"It's a funny old football programme: no goals, no shots, no action at all. Just like watching Darlington" - Hartlepool fan and Sky Sports presenter Jeff Stelling on his Saturday afternoon show.

"The New Zealander will say it's the most disrespectful question he's ever heard, the Australian will say a 14-year-old what?" - former England cricket Geoff Miller suggests that the best way to tell the difference between Oz and Kiwi is to ask if they've made love to a 14-year-old.

"Hello, Judas" - former Darlington chairman George Reynolds greets an old friend at the creditors' meeting.

"You could take George Reynolds and stand him in the middle of a field with an empty suitcase and he'd still make money" - same feller.

"I never counted, but 34 would probably come close" - former Boro manager Bryan Robson, asked if he once drank 34 bottles of Budweiser in a night.

"I'm your after dinner squeaker" - World Cup winner Alan Ball (left).

"I don't think they should be grateful. If you expect gratitude you become disillusioned very quickly" - former Durham County Cricket Club chairman Bill Midgley.

"The operation mirrored exactly what it was like to watch Durham last season, bloody painful"- Riverside critics' corner supreme Mervyn Hardy recovers from surgery.

"Lost, white Persian cat, July 11. Answers to Rooney" -notice in Wingate post office.

Winners

* Coxhoe, 5-0 over Durham Victoria in the only North-East football match to survive Saturday January 31.

* Charlie Donaghy of Tow Law, winner of 30 successive domino matches at odds of 1,031,696,864-1. The secret? "I play the big 'uns first," he said.

* Former flying coalman Nigel Tutty, Yorkshire point-to-point champion at 43.

* Shildon Railway CC - their first Durham County League victory for two and a half years.

* Patrick Lestocq, executive chef at the Stadium of Light, Over 40s League overseas player of the year.

* Bobby Guy aged 63 from Toft Hill, a world clay pigeon shooting gold medallist despite losing an eye 35 years ago.

* Seaham Harbour cricketer Martin Gill, the only scorer - with 23 - in his side's 29 all out against Eppleton.

* Ian Johnson, Brandon CC secretary, first century in 40 years cricket.

* Niall Quinn, left, ex-Sunderland, scored for Eddestown Juniors in Gaelic football final.

* John King of Trimdon Vets, first two goals for ten years on his 59th birthday. "We reckon they were intended crosses," said the secretary.

* Former FIFA referee George Courtney, first hole in one in 35 years golf at Bishop Auckland.

Losers

* The unnamed Whitby RFC player who on the club weekend in Grimsby forgot where the hotel was and had to make a two and a half hour taxi ride home again.

* Sunderland FC's London branch, whose homeward bus after the Cup semi-final defeat got stuck in the mud - don't ask - and finally got them home at 2am. The driver was Miguel from Barcelona; he didn't get a tip.

*Darlington Hole in the Wall FC, president Backtrack, beaten finalists in the Invitation Cup for the third successive season.

* Blackhall Over 40s, their all black strip not entirely surprisingly clashing with the match officials.

* Seaham Harbour cricket club. (See winners)

* Evenwood Town FC, charged £8 a head for beans on toast and tea at a hotel on the road to Cardiff (or Ramsbottom, as the case happened to be).

* Stafford Place cricketer David Nelson, no runs in eight innings - one was not out, though.

Nicknames

The Blue Brazil (Cowdenbeath); Chewbacca (Hartlepool United goalkeeper Dimitrios Konstantopoulous); Wilhemina (Willington FC's largely unlucky mascot); Killer (former Magpie Brian Kilcline, playing at Whitby for the Goths); St Peter (Tow Law FC committee man Billy Hall, because he's been on the gate so long); Tree (Trevor Smith, he of the Crook branch of the Ross County fan club); Thoroughbreds (Kildare County FC); Mandy (Norman Mitchell-Innes, former Sunderland opener and England's oldest living test cricketer); clegs - the Yorkshire term for a horsefly - "like midgies on marijuana" said someone at High Farndale cricket club.

Published: 24/12/2004