ONE wouldn't normally think of having Sunday lunch out at the local football club.

The Williamson Motors Stadium - home of the mighty Quakers - was certainly not at the top of our list of possible destinations when a busy Sunday before Christmas meant eating out seemed like a good idea. The trouble was lots of other people thought it was a good idea too and every other possible venue was fully booked.

The stadium was almost our last resort and it was with some trepidation that, after ascertaining that it did have a table free, we set off for the impressive-looking stadium just off the A66 Darlington bypass.

The sense of unease was hard to pin down. We had enjoyed a more-than passable match-day meal at the stadium some months previously. Perhaps it was based upon an horrifically enduring memory of watching a certain somebody in a television documentary eating at the stadium. That certain somebody was the football club's former chairman and in the documentary he ill-advisedly chose to be interviewed on camera while eating a pork pie. The result was explosive, both in terms of the chairman's choice of language and the accompanying shower of splintered pastry and lumps of pork. This stomach-churning performance by George Reynolds - whose name of course once graced the stadium - was probably the reason for this vague queasiness I felt as we drove into the car park.

Entering the opulent no-expense-spared stadium foyer, we were put at our ease by the cheery security/reception man who pointed us up the shiny escalator to the Ron Greener Suite - the venue for the regular Sunday lunches the club now provides, no doubt to try to bolster its depleted coffers.

The large room with a bar at one end , named after a Darlington player who clocked up 492 appearances, was about two-thirds full and we were sat at a table with panoramic views of Neasham Road and the A66 beyond. The crisp white table linen along with the deep pile carpets and general smartness of the surroundings promised a quality eating experience.

That it didn't quite meet those expectations, at least on my part, is perhaps symptomatic of the current state of the club: first class facilities but definitely Fourth Division (sorry Coca Cola Division Two) fare on the pitch and the plate. That sounds a little harsh perhaps, but the club's present owners, pragmatists to a man, will appreciate plain speaking rather than the hyperbole that was the defining characteristic of the Reynolds years at the club.

Like a typical lower-league professional football team, the meal was honest and hard-working but lacking in skill and finesse. Sylvia's vegetable soup was hot, full of chunky vegetables and perfectly OK. My pate could have come from Morrisons but was served with an attractive salad. We could also have chosen melon

The main course was a choice of roast turkey, pork and beef. Sylvia thought her turkey was very good, moist and flavoursome, but my pork was on the dry side. The selection of vegetables was plentiful, clearly fresh but the potatoes had been roasted to the point of being black.

Sylvia enjoyed a strawberry cheesecake for dessert and I finished with a caramel topped apple pie which was billed as home-made (surely the most abused term in the catering business) but the glutinous sweetness suggested otherwise.

Coffee was fine and the bill with one glass of wine and a Coke was £23.90. The young waiting staff were well drilled and keen, if a little gauche.

It's fair to say Sylvia and I differed somewhat in our overall assessment. Her view was that at £9.95 the three-course lunch represented good value for money and the posh surroundings made up for those blackened roasts. Mine was that I couldn't recommend it to anyone other then committed Quakers' fans keen to back the club and prepared to suspend normal culinary judgment. As many a fan has rued in recent years, Darlington Football Club remains a triumph of form over content.

As Sylvia's view contrasted so sharply with mine, there was considerable debate about the ratings below. In the interests of domestic harmony over the festive season two sets of ratings are given. The first set of ticks in each category are yours truly's, the second set in parentheses are the good lady's. Take your pick.