Desperate Housewives (C4)

Ten Years Younger (C4)

WHY is Susan dabbing gravy behind her ear and on her wrist like some expensive perfume? The answer is simple, if unlikely - to get Mike the plumber's dog to lick her.

She knows that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach but his pet. A spot of gravy would make Mike's best friend her best friend too. And petting the dog could lead to petting of another kind.

Susan and sexy neighbour Edie were engaged in a battle to win over eligible widower Mike. All's fair in love and war, including bitchy remarks such as Susan declaring: "Edie will arrive at 5.45, which means her breasts will arrive at 5.30".

They're only living up to the title, as the women in the US TV hit are desperate in so many diverse ways. If anything, the second episode was even better than the first, which introduced us to the families in Wisteria Lane, a place so bizarre it must surely be in the district of Stepford.

It's not as dark or edgy as Six Feet Under, or as outrageously steamy as Sex And The City but has style and originality on its side, something you can't say about most new TV series.

Having recent suicide Mary Alice Young as the narrator is a masterstroke. The as-yet unexplained reason for her suicide is one of several story strands being carefully nurtured.

Another sees the marriage of Gabrielle and husband Carter hitting a rough patch. A typical bedroom exchange goes: Him, "I know you're awake"; Her, "I know you're a jerk".

Presents of jewellery ("is it white gold?") and big cars aren't enough to end her affair with John the hunky young gardener. After narrowly escaping being caught by her husband, she warns John: "I was thinking, when you come over to garden, you will have to garden."

The thought that he really might have to trim a bush sends them to his place for sex. He tells her that sex helps him concentrate on his homework. "I'm glad I could help your education," says Gabrielle, although resists giving him marks out of ten. The series itself wins a nine on my rating.

Cosmetic surgery hasn't been mentioned yet but, given the way these housewives want to continue to look, it won't be long. They can pick up tips from Ten Years Younger. There's none of this Celebrity Fit Club working out, just a nip and tuck combined with make-up and fashion tips to make the latest victim - sorry, subject - look and feel better.

Debbie Ashcroft's vices were smoking, bleaching her hair and spending hours on the sunbed. The 100 people in the street asked her age guessed between 44 and 70. The average was 56, ten years older than her real age. Experts declared her skin was sallow and saggy, she had giant jowls, her hair was knackered through overbleaching and she had a terrible dress sense.

Surgery helped recreate her natural facial look. Certainly, she looked younger by the end but letting a surgeon do most of the work seemed a cheat. We want to see people sweating and slogging as payback for all their bad living.