LET'S be honest, it's no fun when you pass on your cold to the wife during a week off together.

Days of cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing and shopping have been peppered with "this is all your fault" comments from a sack of misery stretched out on the bed or the sofa.

My common sense view of "if you're going to catch a cold, you'll catch a cold" is about as welcome as a used paper tissue (that'll be extra bins to empty, then).

Worse still, this particular English patient has found little to entertain her on TV. "I thought you'd have enjoyed Michael Hogben's new daytime gameshow called Name Your Price (C4) because it was all about antiques, but I forgot to tape it," she said helpfully.

Thankfully, Midsomer Murders (ITV1, Sunday) returned with the unlikely tale of orchid growers bumping each other off to possess the only example of a rare plant.

"They don't usually show the killings in such gory detail," said Mrs Sicknote as a member of the aristocracy was speared with a garden fork as he sat humming gently over a glass of fine stuff in the conservatory.

I can't ever see this as a Cluedo moment whatever Colonel Mustard has in store for Miss Scarlet. "And, only three murders to solve, that seems a little tame," added the suffering sofa surfer.

My fascination with Dragons' Den (BBC2, Tuesday) was lost on someone eagerly awaiting Child Of Our Time (BBC1, Tuesday) "but, you can watch what you like until then".

The whole idea of Dragons' Den is for self-made millionaires like Peter Jones, Doug Richard, Rachel Elnaugh, Simon Woodruffe and Darlington-based Duncan Bannatyne to invest in the money-making ideas of tomorrow.

But the five seem so hung up on out-doing each other that even the more confident potential entrepreneurs face handing over enormous chunks of their company for very little money.

I'm also baffled by Rachel Elnaugh's constant references to whether she personally likes each applicant. If that was the basis for all investment then most of us would still be travelling by hoop and stick.

Child Of Our Time seemed to be out to prove that violent computer games played by five-year-olds were a worrying trend.

Yet presenter Lord Robert Winston changed tack when little Ethan Kerr showed advanced problem-solving skills by playing a killing game aimed at older children.

I know it's tough on parents, but if Grand Theft Auto does involve picking up prostitutes it's probably better that five-year-olds avoid this as long as possible.

Strangely, Ultimate Force (ITV1, Saturday) featured on my wife's "I'll watch" list despite containing some of the most sexist statements still known to man.

Ex-London's Burning star Heather Peace became Red Troop's first female recruit despite facing a commanding officer who wanted her chained to a railway track.

Mind you, he wasn't wearing his Victorian cape and villainous moustache so his views obviously didn't count.

Peace also appeared in the altogether in the line of duty, turned in an action woman performance after several days of deprived sleep and brutal interrogation and broke the nose of a comrade who was cheeky to her in the showers. She was also too quick to catch a cold.

Published: 15/01/2005