THE BBC must be hoping by turning the clock back with some programmes we'll all return to loving EastEnders. Fat chance.

Despite playing the "who's he, another rugby player?" game with my wife, the new series of SuperStars (BBC1, Sunday) opened with the unnerving sight of the old masters of sport puffing and blowing their way through unfamiliar activities like kayaking, swimming and cross-country running. Footballer Bryan Robson's old shoulder injury put paid to his gym test challenge, flying Martin Offiah ("yes, one of the rugby players") had two left feet at football and John Regis was happy to swim 50m without drowning. Regis went on to qualify in this sedate contest which only burst into life when Jonathan Davies ("another rugby player") got two competitors red-carded by North-East ref Jeff Winter because they couldn't kayak in a straight line. As most celebrity-based TV contests descend into farce this was a little like asking Question Of Sport's Ally McQuoist not to flirt with question-asking host Sue Barker.

Those with little interest in current affairs will have enjoyed Euro Family Xchange and Geronimo (BBC2, Mon-Thurs). The former was about a haphazard family from Surrey swapping homes and lives for a week with an ultra-chic family from the South of France. "You can't help cringing on behalf of the English people... they're hopeless. No wonder the French hate us," said Mrs Entente Cordial at my house. Well, let's face it, the thoughtless bunch from Surrey left their home untidy and beds unmade with the welcoming meal of cash and vouchers for a takeaway pizza. The French laid on a full meal plus welcoming bubbly, but hit back with a farewell present of cleaning materials. Sacra bleu etc.

Geronimo provided a starring role for the magnificent moustache of Dick Strawbridge as a presenter-inventor challenging teams to produce machines to brave seaside waves and wet sand or take football penalties. "Who is that strange man?" queried Mrs EC, clearly forgetting that Mr Strawbridge played an enthusiastic role in last year's D-Day landings celebrations where he became the "talking tash" of expertise when it came to describing the harbour built by the allies. He was a little less successful at building amphibious cars and penalty-taking machines, but the Beeb still felt it essential to air repeats of Mr Strawbridge making his mechanical marvels. At least the football was won by an adapted motorbike called Cod Almighty with the goalkeeper wisely keeping out of the way of shots fired from between two tyres at about 100mph. But it all seemed fairly familiar territory to fans of Robot Wars, The Great Egg Race and Scrapyard Challenge who have maintained Britain's Heath Robinson spirit for some time now. The co-host for Geronimo, Fearne Cotton - she of the strange Children's BBC ads - decided to wear her hat sideways for the opening show. "I didn't even know Captain Scuttle had a daughter?" commented my wife as I compared her to one of Benny Hill's comic characters. More disturbing is that fun-loving Fearne adopts the same "ya boo sucks" manner when interviewing small children and mad inventors. No wonder Dick And Dom In Da Bungalow strikes a chord with so many MPs.

Published: ??/??/2004