Ahead of the Class (ITV1); Ancient Plastic Surgery (C4); Hallowed Be Thy Game (C4): IF you didn't know that Ahead Of The Class was based on a true story, you'd accuse the makers of cobbling together every clich from every other film about a head recruited to sort out a troubled school.

This had them all - unruly pupils brought round by the new head Marie Stubb's tough but fair methods; parents who arrive screaming blue murder and end up helping out; and demoralised teachers every bit as resentful of the newcomer as pupils. There was even a hint of conspiracy that she'd been brought in to fail so the property could be sold off at a profit.

Instead of Sidney Poitier in To Sir With Love we had Julie Walters, who attracts best actress awards like a magnet attracts iron filings, as Lady Marie Stubbs. She was installed as the new boss of St George's School in North London five years after head Phillip Lawrence was stabbed to death outside his school.

Her task was to get the school off "special measures" by improving attendance, discipline and staff morale. At times the latter seemed harder to tame than pupils as staff, led by Tony Slattery scruffy's teacher (seemingly wearing the same shirt for several years), resisted her approach.

Despite the familiarity, this was very watchable - not least because of Walters' towering performance (and odd accent) as Stubbs, who came out of retirement to save St George's. She delivered an inspirational speech every 20 minutes, in between coping with each fresh crisis, and the whole thing end with pupils singing You'll Never Walk Alone in a blatantly tear-jerking finale.

Having exhausted modern cosmetic surgery, how could programme makers satisfy viewers' insatiable appetite for seeing people sliced and diced and nipped and tucked? Simple, explore Ancient Plastic Surgery. But this was given a modern slant as plastic surgeon Natasha Hidvegi saw how old methods are being employed today.

In India, they have long used leeches to keep wounds free of blood clots. I do hope no-one was eating when they showed the leeches at work. They didn't say whether you can get leeches on the National Health but these blood-sucking creatures are being used again today on plastic surgery patients.

The ancient Egyptians, like Californians today, were obsessed with looking good and staying young. Beauty parlours offering hair and make-up treatment were rife. And even Queen Nefertiti - whose name means "perfect one" - may have had a facelift.

Is football the new religion? Some soccer fans certainly regard footballers as gods and follow the beautiful game with all the fervour of religious zealots. Mark Dowd, Manchester United fan and former Dominican friar, did a pretty good job of proving this thesis with the aid of club chaplains, footballers and fans.

In among the more serious debate - like asking Robbie Fowler, "Are you God?" and seeing hooligans as football's fundamentalists - Dowd found a Portsmouth fan whose bedroom, stuffed with Pompey memorabilia, looks like a religious shrine. He's even named one of his budgies Fratton End. "It's a bit of a weird name but he's a weird budgie," he said. This from a man who's changed his name to John Anthony Portsmouth Football Club Westwood.

Published: 31/01/2005