LIKE me, the Welsh wastrel who goes under the name of Craig Bellamy, probably hadn't looked at a Scottish league table since he was a nipper. But a glance at the Premier Division confirms what I suspected - Rangers and Celtic neck and neck and the rest nowhere.

So Celtic's new recruit had better make the most of the Old Firm derby, if selected, as after that it's off to Livingston, Dunfermline and Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

Considering there's a Scot at St James' Park who thinks he's a wee scoundrel, you'd have thought he would have hot-footed it in the opposite direction. But there aren't many Scots at Celtic, and as they're daft enough to match his £40,000-a-week wages it's as good a bolthole as any until the end of the season.

Bellamy apparently hopes that Souness will be gone from Newcastle by then, leaving the door open for the wastrel's return.

But if the Magpies can get past Chelsea in the FA Cup, as all apart from Mackems and Abramovich acolytes will hope, then they really will start to dream of a fairytale end to Alan Shearer's career.

How he would love to lift that trophy, and if he did Bellamy would be a forgotten man.

IN my book further reason to dislike Chelsea came with the news that they lost £88m last year, confirming that in a world where millions are starving a Russian billionaire has squandered obscene amounts on bringing silverware to Stamford Bridge and earning himself the kudos which goes with it. What must West Ham fans think as they languish just above mid-table in the Championship after producing far more talent than Chelsea in recent years, only to wave goodbye to Fedinand, Lampard, Defoe, Carrick, Joe Cole and Glen Johnson?

Chelsea's wage bill is £115.5m, compared with £76.9m at Manchester United, who still have a much greater turnover and showed a profit of £29m last year.

The previous biggest annual loss by a British club was £49.5m in 2002-3 by Leeds United, and we all know what happened to them. The difference is that Abramovich's wealth appears to be a bottomless pit.

THE England rugby coach must read this column as three months ago I chastised him for selecting ex-Rugby League man Henry Paul ahead of Newcastle's Jamie Noon. Paul was substituted after 23 minutes against Australia and now he isn't even in the squad, despite the injuries.

Further trumpeting Noon's cause, I observed in my match report from Falcons v Sale last month: "on this evidence there is every chance Newcastle's midfield trio will play together for England."

While fully believing that Noon was ready, I was thinking more of next season in the case of Mathew Tait, but it could now happen this year if Jonny Wilkinson recovers in time.

I'd be interested to know if anyone can think of any other international sports people to come from Weardale, by which I mean west of Crook.

They must be dancing in the streets of Wolsingham at Tait's selection, and what a welcome home it will be on Sunday, especially as it's his 19th birthday.

I first heard about the quicksilver centre when he was starring in Barnard Castle School's first team at 15, but to come so far so quickly is staggering.

There's no doubt he's good enough, however.

The sensational try he scored from halfway against Sale, bouncing off Jason Robinson, would have hogged the headlines had Jonny not capped his comeback by scoring the winning try in injury time.

It has been a pleasure to witness how the sheer class of Tait, who stands 5ft 11in and weighs 12st 6lb, has had a far bigger impact than the brute force of Epi Taione, who is 7st heavier. Hopefully this signals an end to barnstorming centres and Tait will be in to stay.

He could even get on the Lions tour, although the Irish centres are favourites, and in what promises to be a very interesting Six Nations Ireland are many experts' tip as they have England and France at home.

THE thorny issue of bad light continues to raise its ugly head in cricket. It has always struck me that umpires and players are far too keen to get their feet up once there's a bit of cumulo nimbus about, yet Michael Vaughan was fined his full match fee of £3,300 for pointing out inconsistencies after the fourth Test in South Africa.

The fine was clearly over the top, apparently because the match referee, Clive Lloyd, felt Vaughan had been rude, which is not something the England captain is known for.

The row is rumbling on and is in danger of getting away from the main issue, which is that the bad light procedures need overhauling.

Vaughan had every right to point that out, and if he ruffles a few feathers in the process it will add to his growing reputation as a tough skipper who is determined win matches, not popularity contests.