William Hague. Now 43, the former Tory leader doesn't plan a return to front-line politics. "I feel fortunate that by the age of 40 I had crammed in an entire political career,'' he says. "I had been in the Cabinet and led the party, so now I can branch out into other things. It is a very liberating feeling.''

So, while remaining MP for Richmond, Mr Hague plans to write more books to follow his successful biography of William Pitt, continue to wow audiences on the after-dinner circuit, where his witty speeches earn up to £10,000 a time, and bang out his weekly column for the News of the World. Doubtless he will also give time to directorships he has collected.

"I don't need to be an MP any more,'' he says with evident satisfaction. So Mr Hague's constituents will be grateful to him for his willingness to fit in this possibly tedious, if obviously not too onerous, commitment in his busy life.

We must all trust that the one slight blot on Mr Hague's horizon, a proposal for the House to sit until 10pm on Tuesdays, which sets him muttering about people who lack a social life, disappears and takes with it this mild threat to Mr Hague's very valuable private time.

Neil Kinnock. A much sadder lost leader than William Hague. His finest moment came with a speech before the 1983 election: "If Margaret Thatcher is re-elected, I warn you... I warn you not to fall ill. I warn you not to get old.'' And more in similarly magnificent vein, alas to no avail.

Eventually taking the EU's (gold-plated) shilling, Mr Kinnock somehow found sorting out Europe's transport problems a fit vehicle (sorry) for his socialist zeal. Now, however, he is back, in the House of Lords as Lord Kinnock of Bedwellty.

Never mind that he used to denounce the Lords as "unelected'' and "illegitimate.'' OK, his justification for accepting a life peerage - that it enables him to campaign - might seem reasonable. But if his underlying contempt for the Lords remains intact, surely he would have wished simply to take his place and get on with it, rather than have his ermine-donning moment watched from the public gallery by his wife, children and grandchildren?

A former duty manager at Kings Cross station has revealed the arrangements when a member of the Royal Family - in his experience most often Princess Margaret but also Prince Philip, occasionally, and the Queen "once or twice'' - travels on a service train.

"The fact is made known to staff only on the day of travel. All stops are then pulled out to provide a fast and punctual service. The coaches that would have formed the train will be swapped for others just out of maintenance. They will be externally and internally cleaned.

"A traction inspector will ride with the driver, a travelling engineer will ride the train. The signallers will also be advised to ensure that the train has a clear run.''

A template for the railway service of our dreams. And if it is unattainable for all, perhaps the surest route to something like it would be for high-and-mighty travellers to face the same pot luck as the rest of us.