DESPERATE to find something more original for Mothers' Day than the usual flowers and chocolates, I headed for the shops.

After hours of searching, with son Jack in tow, inspiration was as elusive as ever. But then, just as I was about to make do with a dozen red roses and Thorntons' best, the answer jumped out at me in the catalogue shop - a pair of vibrating slippers. Eureka!

"Wait 'til she sees these," I said to Jack, as we paid for them.

"Yeah, they're really cool, Dad," he replied. (We think alike, me and Jack.)

As soon as she unwrapped them in bed on Mothers' Day morning, there was a buzz of excitement. Designed to massage your feet after a hard day, I was convinced they represented one of my finest moments as a shopper.

My mate Phil had bought his wife an electronic head massager for her birthday last year, which is OK but it takes effort. He has to stand behind her, pushing it through her hair. With vibrating slippers, you can just put them on and let them do their own thing. They're good for the sole.

She slipped them on straight away and a smile lit up her face. "Ooh, they make you tingle all over," she said.

That evening, she was pampered like she'd never been pampered before. She sat in front of the telly, warmed by an open fire, with a glass of red wine in her hand, and her feet buzzing like a chainsaw while I cooked her supper. It's what Mothers' Day is all about.

The only possible downside was the risk that she might spill her wine as a result of the oscillations originating from her feet and going up through her body. The slippers have a speed control switch and she had them turned up full blast.

But the good vibrations couldn't last. Since Mothers' Day, she's hardly worn them. Max, aged seven, has commandeered the vibrating slippers and made them his own. Everything is done with them on.

He stands at the sink, brushing his teeth, wearing the vibrating slippers.

Unlike his sister, he doesn't use an electric tooth brush, otherwise he probably wouldn't stop shaking for weeks.

He has his breakfast wearing vibrating slippers, and he has his story at bedtime wearing vibrating slippers.

The other night, I went up to tuck him in to find he was fast asleep but his slippers were still wide awake. He even asked if he could wear them to school but we explained that the teachers have enough noise to cope with.

But you can get too much of a good thing and it reached the point where the novelty began to wear off. It was like having a giant mosquito in the house ALL the time.

"Max, give the vibrating slippers a rest now," I told him when my patience finally snapped.

"But I like my feet vibrating," he replied.

When I insisted that he had to take them off, he had a tantrum which had the whole house vibrating.

"Oh, let him have them," said my wife. "They make my feet feel funny after a while - I'm not sure I like it."

So that was it. One night of vibrating feet and she'd had enough. Perhaps she didn't like them in the first place and only wore them to humour me.

Next time, I think I'll stick to flowers and chocolates.

THE THINGS THEY SAY

THEY'RE a lovely lot at Sherburn Hill Salvation Army Ladies Fellowship in Durham...

BETTY Dodd remembered her niece, Leanne Ramsay, aged four, attending a service at St Cuthbert's Church in Shadforth, Durham.

Prayers were being said and the members of the congregation were kneeling with their eyes tight shut.

When prayers were over, they all opened their eyes and Leanne shouted:

"Have they all woken up now?"

JUNE Green told of the time Father Christmas came to Howletch Primary School in Peterlee and was calling the children up to the stage one by one to get their presents.

With around 200 children to get through, it was taking quite some time.

One little boy towards the back of the alphabet was getting more and more agitated as the minutes ticked by.

When his name was finally called, he flew across the hall and said to Santa in an excited voice: "You do know I've moved, don't you?"

JUNE also recalled the time the pupils were watching through a classroom window as a kestrel hovered - perfectly still - over its prey.

"Miss, Miss," shouted a boy, "that bird's stuck."

AND Doris Raine mentioned the day grandson Joseph, aged two, was given an ice lolly from the freezer and then came back minutes later with another one.

"You've just had a lolly," Joseph's dad told him.

"I know, Dad," said Joseph without hesitation, "but it's buy one get one free."

MEANWHILE, Muriel Turnbull, of Castle Eden Ladies Luncheon Club, recalled the time a class was learning about agriculture.

"Can anyone remember the name of the machine that does the harvesting?" asked the teacher.

Katherine, aged seven, put her hand up: "A concubine harvester," she announced.

Published: 24/03/2005