A dank bank holiday, 11am kick-off, Bishop Auckland v Spennymoor United. Both clubs, says Bishops' chairman Terry Jackson in his programme notes, are going through a difficult period.

"Let's just hope," he adds, "that both of us come out the other side." That's how grim things are.

Bishop Auckland, the most famous "non-league" club of all, are bottom of the Unibond premier division and ground sharing with Spennymoor until a long awaited new home is built.

Spennymoor, five times Northern League champions in the 1970s, face relegation either through playing performance, ground inadequacy or both.

The Brewery Field, beyond argument, has become the Better Days Stadium.

United are also in serious trouble for twice failing to fulfil a fixture, the League management committee meeting tonight and unlikely to decide that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The ground inspectors follow next Monday, threatening a £250 fine and possible relegation for each of 19 contraventions.

Word is that there may be an eleventh hour blitz on Saturday morning - "a bit like Challenge Anneka," says one of the stoics behind the goal.

"More like challenge Balfour Beattie," says his mate.

The Bishops, managed by Hartlepool legend Brian Honour - forever Little Jackie - hope to gain planning permission on Thursday for their new stadium at Tindale Crescent. "It's what we've been living and waiting for for 14 years," says Tony Duffy, the club secretary. "We couldn't go on without it."

The ground's muddy but playable, around 200 spectators come to the aid of the clarty. The technical area is technically a swimming pool, Honour up to his oxters.

Gutted by fire two years ago, the shell of the clubhouse still stands in the top corner. Though the smell of burning has gone, the pungency of neglect remains.

"Can I just say that I'm totally shocked to see it like this," says a visitor from Darlington.

The paint's peeling, the terraces crumbling, the litter bins overflowing. Problems are compounded because someone's slashed one of the goal nets overnight and by United team manager Graham Clark's resignation last week.

At 10.45, the entire Bishops squad is warming up at the shallow end; in the deep end just four Spennymoor players are going through the motions.

Eventually they have two subs. "I'm glad I didn't put me black and white shirt on," says Jimmy Acton, 59, "I'd probably have gettin' a game."

Someone over the far side starts bellowing "Going down, going down, going down." It's impossible to know who he supports.

Bishops lead 2-0 at half-time, score their third soon afterwards while we're upstairs in the guest room talking to United chairman Benny Mottram. A lady in the kitchen is showing her disgust.

"I don't know what the ****'* going on and that's swearing," she says, the second bit - if not the first - a little unnecessary.

Benny knows what's going on. "We'll get through the season but after that we need to regroup," he says. "The improvements the league wants are just daft little things like toilet seats. They'll be done."

Behind him, the trophy cabinet's pretty full - darts and dommies, pool, veterans' football. They had a canny clubhouse before the fire.

A Seaham Harbour businessman, Benny became involved in 1999-2000 when the club owed £360,000. Creditors were appeased with 10p in the £.

Since then, he says, he has invested a very substantial amount of his own money but continues a running battle with Spennymoor Town Council, which owns the ground - though Mr Mottram is usually described as the club owner. He owns the lease, he says.

The council, he adds, doesn't want to help. "What gives Spennymoor more publicity than the football club? What else is there to do in Spennymoor? I just don't understand them."

He promises seven players before Thursday's transfer deadline, says he's arranged a £20,000 sponsorship next season, claims not to have given a minute's thought to the manager's position.

He declines, however, to confirm that he himself will still be around. "In soul, yeah, but whether I take an active part is another matter. If we went into the first division of the Unibond I don't think I'd be interested at all.

"It's a step too far. We've got massive, massive problems if we go into that division."

Recent gates have been under 100. The town council still seeks its rent and its back rent, the mood among the supporters resigned if not yet relegated.

Bishop Auckland win 4-2. The ever-enthusiastic Little Jackie reacts triumphantly, arms aloft, like they've won the Champions League. Around the Better Days Stadium, the mood grows as black as the lowering, glowering bank holiday sky. The inspectors call next week.

Past 40, suitably silvered, former Crewe Alexandra goalkeeper Dean Greygoose stood between Bedlington Terriers and the FA Vase final on Saturday.

Greygoose gone? The guy was absolutely awesome.

He was Crewe's buffer stop more than 200 times, also kept goal for Crystal Palace, Lincoln City and Cambridge and after five years with Northwich Victoria had a testimonial watched (says the website) by sizeable crows.

Carrion regardless, no doubt.

Now he's with AFC Sudbury, Vase favourites since September, unbeaten in the Eastern Counties League and 2-1 up from the semi-final first leg.

The day was as grey as the goalie, floodlights on from the start, fish and chip van sizzling, ice cream man frozen out.

Doubtless hijacked from Ipswich Town, their Suffolk neighbours, the Sudbury fans sang of agricultural machinery:

We can't read, we can't write

It don't really matter;

We support Sudbury

And we can drive a tractor.

Terriers threatened coach and horses. Early own goal, penalty on the hour, they led 2-0 until the 80th minute, Sudbury saved extra time and time again by the woodwork and by their keeper's extraordinary, ageless elasticity.

In the shoot-out, inevitably, it was he who made the difference. In the bar, Greygoosed, he sank a pint abundantly earned and threatened to retire after the final. "My old heart can't stand many more games like that," he insisted.

Twenty miles away in the other semi-final, Jarrow Roofing were going down 2-0 on aggregate to Didcot Town, hopes of an all North-East final shattered and the Albany Northern League chewing on the bones. Oh.

Jack Charlton, 60 in May and still pretty athletic, spoke on Thursday night at Willington FC - 100 next year and beginning to feel its age.

The former Amateur Cup winners face almost certain relegation after 94 continuous Northern League years, the league's longest serving members.

"We're still determined to battle on, even if we go down, especially as it's our centenary" insisted club chairman John Phelan.

Big Jack proved good value, spoke for over two hours, told in inimitable Ashington of meeting the Purp in Rurm and, seriously, of leaving no stern unturned.

Inevitably there was talk of black books and of dirty devils, of uncompromising team-mates like Bobby Collins and Norman Hunter and opponents like Ron Harris. "Nasty feller, Chopper."

The nastiest of all? "Feller called Albert Nightingale when I was a kid at Leeds. Black hair, black moustache, every trick...."

Readers may want to sing. What do we know of Albert Nightingale?

Amd finally...

The club which played home league games at Wembley Stadium (Backtrack, March 25) was Clapton Orient, twice in 1930.

As usual, Keith Bond in Brompton-on-Swale not only knew the answer but offered a question of his own - seven English internationals since 1966 whose surname starts and finishes with the same letter.

Readers have a little time to consider. The column returns on April 12.

Published: 29/03/2005