The Buddhist who went to war

Saddam Hussein had been in captivity for five months when the official envelope landed with a thud through Kevin Brack's letterbox. It was the Army call-up to Iraq he had been expecting for a year, an echo from a decision he took 20 years ago. He was heading out to take part in possibly the most controversial, and certainly the most public, war for 50 years.

In the mid-1980s Kevin had signed up with the Territorial Army. He was living in Richmond, North Yorkshire, his brother had just left the Army and Kevin thought the TA would be a great way to gain new skills and learn to drive a heavy goods vehicle.

May 2004 and Kevin, 47, had changed remarkably. He had converted to Buddhism four years previously, met and married his Chinese wife Tara and settled in Darlington.

But here he was, about to be handed a machine gun and sent to some of the most volatile places on the planet - Basra, Baghdad and Camp Dogwood. The moment when you are sent into a war zone is a landmark in anyone's life, but for Kevin, it was not something he did lightly.

As a technical sergeant in charge of equipment, Kevin had served in Bosnia in 1996 and 1997, but Buddhism is a peace-loving religion and Kevin had mixed feelings about his call-up. On the one hand he felt as if it was his fate, or karma, but on the other hand Tara did not want him to go to war and he didn't want to kill.

Meanwhile France, Russia and China - where there are many Buddhists - had denounced the US-led war on Iraq.

'The way I look at it, is that I had volunteered to be in the TA a few years ago and this was my fate. If I hadn't gone, I would have had to play out that fate at a later date," Kevin explains, as we sit in the colourful front room of the Atisha Buddhist Centre in Milton Street, Darlington.

"I believe in reincarnation, so I believe that I would have had to relive the circumstances further down the road."

There are many different forms of Buddhism, but all traditions are characterised by non-violence, lack of dogma, tolerance of differences and, usually, meditation.

After three months wrestling with his conscience, Kevin decided to face fate and his duty to his country.

"It took a lot of thinking. I did not want to kill anybody. Then I thought my role is a supporting one and the rule of engagement for everyone in the Army is self-defence. I thought I can go along with this," he says.

He consulted other Buddhists and found similar mixed feelings. "One or two people said we need the Army to support peace-keeping, and others were totally against it. It is like some Buddhists are vegetarians, while others eat meat," Kevin explains in his gentle and unassuming voice.

There was another decisive factor: he could only escape a call up to Iraq on health grounds, but he was fit and healthy.

Kevin says: "I was in a quandary for three months. I don't know what would have happened if I had refused to go. I know someone who was called up four times and didn't go. Then he was called up a fifth time and he had to go."

In July last year, Kevin went to Iraq with the 2nd Signal Regiment, based in York. He was sent to Basra and Tara returned to south China where she spent five months with her family.

Chatting to Kevin as he talks me through a laptop slideshow of his time in Iraq, he avoids the one question I really want answered. I ask three times whether he agrees with the war and each time he reinterprets the question.

"I see war as something which happens from time to time and it will happen again. I don't know exactly how it works, but it is karma," he says. "Buddhism is non-political, we don't make judgements, we just try to make the best of it."

Although the camps he worked and lived in were mortared almost daily, Kevin found comfort in meditation and says, conversely, going to a Iraq as Buddhist was a more comfortable experience than heading to Bosnia as a Christian.

"Every morning when I woke up, before breakfast, I had the chance to meditate," Kevin says, unconsciously demonstrating. "Even five minutes can make a big difference to your day, I did about 15 to 20 minutes.

"It clears your mind, helps you concentrate your thoughts and you can organise better. It helps keep your mind peaceful. The lad I shared with didn't even notice."

Kevin was brought up in the Church of England. He converted to Buddhism after getting into meditation through martial arts, particularly tae kwon do. He started reading books about Buddhism and discovered the Atisha Buddhist Centre in Darlington.

In Iraq, Kevin found the compassion and empathy he had developed through Buddhism made him a make-shift camp counsellor. Fellow soldiers would seek him out for advice and support.

He was briefly attached to the Royal Gurkha Signals, from Nepal. Many of the Gurkhas were also Buddhists and found a connection with Kevin. Kevin spent Christmas and New Year in Iraq and returned home to Darlington earlier this year.

Although he was close to one woman who was killed in a rebel attack, he bears no grudge. "I don't feel angry, I feel compassion for the aggressors. They are creating negative karma for themselves and they don't realise it," he explains.

Despite being stationed in Basra and visiting Baghdad and Camp Dogwood, Kevin got his wish: he never had to kill.

"I was on the front line and I saw fighting. I had my own weapon and once I was called upon to use it, but I was too slow," he says.

Since his return to Darlington, Kevin has gone back to his old life. He is a volunteer teacher at the Arts Centre, spends a lot of his time studying and is looking for a new job.

It is obvious that he is proud that he went to Iraq and played out his karma. He feels comfortable with himself but still finds it difficult to decide whether he agrees with the war.

"I agree that oppression isn't good and it is good that people are now getting the vote. Politically it is very tribal and there are a lot of people vying for power," he says.