BEWARE of bureaucrats for they shall inherit the earth. It's an earth increasingly bound by red tape, and far from providing the perfect escape sport is becoming ensnared in the web.

Two examples have bowled nasty bouncers at cricket this week. First there's the ECB's insistence that umpires and coaches even in village clubs must undergo criminal record checks to make sure they present no danger to children.

The logical outcome of this Safe Hands policy, as it is called, is that far fewer adults will become involved, junior sections will cease to exist and clubs will die.

The thought of this dreadful scenario tainted an otherwise lovely day for me this week when an outing to the Esk Valley took me past the delightful cricket grounds at Kildale, Castleton, Danby and Westerdale, with their heavy, hand-pulled rollers evoking memories of a bygone age. Yet some have sturdy, stone-built pavilions, indicating that they have moved on from ramshackle wooden huts and are continuing to prosper.

Cricket, like quoits, is obviously woven into the fabric of life here. But for how long if everyone seeking to pass on the tradition to children has to prove he's not a paedophile?

Presumably cricket is not alone in having to go down this route, but sticking with flannelled foolery the week's other piece of madness was the decision of a tribunal to uphold Chris Schofield's claim of unfair dismissal by Lancashire.

Schofield was at the end of his contract and Lancashire decided that, at 26, they had invested quite enough time and money in trying to get him to fulfil his potential. He should be grateful to them for persevering so long, yet he will probably be awarded a year's pay.

A member of the tribunal apparently asked Lancashire why, despite the player's poor form, they had not tried to build his confidence by picking him in the first team more often. Selection policies throughout professional sport will have to be reversed.

STILL sticking to the red tape, I note that a 90-year-old institution, the Scott Trial, is under threat because of new regulations planted under the Common Agricultural Policy. This is a motorcycle event which takes place on the moors above Arkengarthdale and has raised more than £50,000 for local charities in the last 13 years. It is run by Richmond and District Motorcycle Club, which has over 100 schoolboy members. Would we rather they rode on established moorland circuits or caused havoc round our streets?

AFTER Wayne Rooney's wondrous goal against Newcastle the big midweek games couldn't even produce a tap-in. The Tyne Tees tedium all but confirmed that Boro will finish above Newcastle, while the Stamford Bridge stalemate kept alive the unlikely prospect of Liverpool becoming European champions while failing to qualify for next season.

Chelsea's failure to score will not have had them dancing in the Samsung boardroom following their £50m sponsorship. One of their executives said the club's disciplinary problems did not deter the company, adding: " I don't think anyone would not buy a Samsung product because our name will be on Chelsea's shirt." Has he just flown in on the Tardis?

Getting back to Rooney's goal, it's just as well they showed it on giant screens at the Professional Footballers' Association Player of the Year bash on Sunday. Apparently the entertainment was provided by Jimmy Carr, one of those modern comedians who sends me into a deep depression.

He must have upset some of his audience as well. How else do we explain that three of them had a fight afterwards outside the Grosvenor Park Hotel?

MOVES to ring-fence the Zurich Premiership are still being predicted, especially if dear old Harlequins remain in bottom place after tomorrow's final matches.

It would obviously be unfair on Worcester to go back down after such a tremendous effort in their first season in the top flight, but the fact is that a relegation dogfight involving five clubs arouses great interest.

Leeds, who attracted 600-700 in division one, were watched by 8,161 on a filthy night on Tuesday as they beat Quins 21-10 to move off the bottom. But they could still go down, as could London Irish, who finish off at Newcastle, who are one point clear of danger.

My guess is that Quins will survive by winning at home to Sale, leaving Northampton the most vulnerable as they have to go to Worcester. Yet the Saints could lose and still pick up a bonus point to move above Leeds or Irish. That's how tight it is.

RARELY can there have been greater proof of the dangers of over-reliance on one man in a team sport than in the third Test in Bridgetown. The West Indies did very well without Brian Lara when he was pursuing his own agenda during the first Test against South Africa, yet they lost this one by an innings and 86 runs after he had scored 176 in the first innings. Might they be better off without him?

Published: 29/04/2005