More accustomed to the back page of the tabloids, Lomana LuaLua finds himself in Magpie black and white on the cover of this week's Church Times.

A picture inside shows LuaLua having his shirt pulled by Darren Moore of West Brom. The caption neatly quotes the Gospels: "If a man asks for your shirt, give him it."

LuaLua's a full time Christian, Middlesbrough's George Boateng and recently departed 'keeper Carlo Nash alongside him in the God squad. Joseph-Desire Job, a committed Muslim, is also featured in a two-page special on how religion plays a part in the Premiership.

For some reason, that well known lapsed Catholic Mr Wayne Rooney doesn't make the starting side.

LuaLua, now at Portsmouth, confesses to making rash challenges, arguing with opponents and swearing out loud - but says he tries not to.

Job says he doesn't swear because it's the wrong thing to do - "and it's useless, too". Nash, who admits to "plenty of ups and downs" in his career, says he doesn't swear because he's naturally calm.

Boateng, who went to church in Ghana, vows he doesn't swear off the field - "I never get angry enough" - but admits to some unbiblical language during matches.

"It's a sin, I think it's just emotion. In the heat of the moment, you lack the words to express yourself, so you swear.

"Every time I swear I carry on with the game, but every day I pray for forgiveness."

The closest he came to really losing it, says Boateng, was during a match with Leeds two years ago when a United player - perhaps mercifully unnamed - made "derogatory" comments about his wife.

"I pulled back. My religious beliefs taught me that it was the right thing to do. Thank God I turned the other cheek."

We cannot leave the holy ground, as it were, without reference to the Church Times cricket cup - in which on Thursday our dog collared friends from the Diocese of Durham begin their annual exercise in sporting self-denial.

Part of the problem's been raising a team, a matter upon which Church Times editor Paul Handley has some advice for the Durham ditherers.

"Don't regard a cricket match as a day off, or something to be done in your spare time.

"Call it a conference, call it a meeting. Set the answering machine and head off to the crease."

Among the sun bathers at yesterday's Durham Challenge Cup final - Dunston Fed 0 Hartlepool United Res 3 - king of the ground hoppers John Dawson produced a programme from Santos FC, formerly Bilsthorpe Miners Welfare.

The Nottinghamshire side sought permission to pinch their heroes' name, so delighted when the original Santos agreed and sent a pennant that the club motto became "Football in its purest form", the nickname became the Dragons and the ground the Dragons' Lair.

Just like watching Brazil? They lost 5-1 to Bottesford Town.

Remember 1978? Wales won the rugby grand slam, the Pope died, Liverpool lost in the League Cup final to the eventual league champions - Nottingham Forest - but went on to win the European Cup.

In 2005, points out John Briggs in Darlington, Wales have won the grand slam, the Pope has died, Liverpool lost the League Cup final to the eventual league champions and....

Coincidence?

In 1981, Prince Charles was married, Ken and Deirdre Barlow were married, a new Dr Who commenced his journey into time and space and Liverpool won the European Cup.

Twenty four years later, Prince Charles and Ken and Deirdre have married, there's a new Dr Who and....perhaps this will seem all the more plausible after tonight.

Records falling like a seismic shock in a music shop, Gretna had just one more to break when club chairman Brooks Mileson rang last week.

Not least through the efforts of Kenny Deuchar and David Bingham - one the flying doctor, the other the Scottish third division player of the year - the former Northern League champions had already hit 124 goals in 34 league games.

The record was 132, set by Hearts in 1957-58. "I wouldn't bet against us overtaking it," said Brooks, former international athlete and chairman of the Durham based Arngrove Holdings group.

Their last two games were against the league's bottom sides, but on Saturday they could manage just a 1-0 win against East Stirling.

Hearts beat? "I still wouldn't bet against it," says the chairman.

Still north of the border, a taste of Bovril in Friday's column prompted ex-Darlington lad Dave Munday - now Dunfermline's historian - to send the Edinburgh Evening News cartoon about a proposed end to sectarian singing at Old Firm games.

It's an image of Ibrox Park, or somewhere, one stand festooned with an advertisement for Love and Understanding and for "vegan Bovril".

In another stand, someone's talking about the Quakers being present, though Dave believes not to be a reference to his old favourites.

In the corner there's a big screen. "Today's attendance 37," it says.

While other Saturday leagues wither, the Darlington and District the latest to receive the last rites, the Crook and District expands apace.

Down to eight clubs just five years ago, the league will have at least 21 next season - the "district" extended to Consett, Heighington and Barnard Castle and the league reverting to two divisions.

League secretary Trevor Hudspeth also runs the Surtees in Crook, which partly explains why we bumped into him at a beer festival.

Reinvigoration's down to team work, says Trevor. "No one on the committee takes a penny out of the league, not even for telephone calls."

Hook or by Crook? "At first we were just happy to stay alive, now we seem to be expanding all over the place. I guess we're doing something right."

Paul Thompson, known as Dot - "he's only little," it's explained - broke his leg two months ago playing Sunday morning football for West Auckland Social Club and still has the job in pot.

Concerned lest the poor lad go short, team-mates have organised a sportsmen's evening on May 12 to help keep body and soul together.

Former Sunderland skipper Kevin Ball is principal speaker, followed - not necessarily in that order - by pie and peas and a comedian. Tickers are £10 from Keith Lithgo, 07921 084706.

And finally...

Friday's column sought the identity of the only footballer to have scored a hat-trick in all four English divisions, in the FA and Football League cups and for his country.

It was Robert Earnshaw, now with West Brom, who hit three against Charlton in the Premiership. He's also scored hat-tricks for Wales against Scotland and for Cardiff all over the place.

Martin Birtle in Billingham today invites readers to name the four men who knocked down Muhammad Ali. We're back off the canvass on Friday.

Published: 03/05/2005