Parenting columnist Anne Sutton runs the nannying agency, Internannies, and has 30 years experience in childcare. This month she gives advice on what to do if you think your child is being bullied.

FINDING out that your child is being bullied can be a stressful and distressing experience. Some children are very good at hiding their feelings and the first you know about the problem is when your child suddenly doesn't want to go to school, or says they are ill when PE lessons are on the agenda. In my case, I didn't realise there was a problem until one of my other children told me that her sister was having problems in the playground.

Other indicators can be:

Coming home with cuts and bruises

Torn clothes

Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced

'Losing' dinner money

Falling out with previously good friends

Being moody and bad tempered

Being quiet and withdrawn

Wanting to avoid leaving the house

Aggression with brothers or sisters

Doing less well at schoolwork

Insomnia

Anxiety

If you think that your child is being bullied but you are not sure, ask a few simple questions:

What did they do at school today?

Did they do anything they liked?

Did they do anything they didn't like?

Who did they play with?

What sort of games did they play?

Did they enjoy them?

Would they have liked to play different games?

Are they looking forward to going to school tomorrow?

Bullying can take many forms and not just those of teasing and name calling, damage to property or threats and physical violence. It can also be about spreading rumours, sending upsetting phone, text or email messages or leaving your child out of social activities deliberately.

If your child is being bullied, the worst thing you can do is overreact and storm into the school demanding action. Try to talk calmly to your child about what is happening.

Make a note of what they say; who was involved, where, when and how often. Reassure your child they have done the right thing by telling you.

Tell your child to report any further incidents to their teacher straight away. Talk to your child's teacher about the bullying.

Talking to teachers about bullying

When you do go to see your child's teacher remember they may have no idea there is a problem. Try to stay calm (easier said than done) and:

Give specific details of what your child says has happened, with names dates and places;

Make a note of what action the school will take;

Ask if there is anything else you can do to help;

Stay in touch with the school. Let them know if the problem continues or if the situation improves.

If you are not satisfied

If talking to your child's teacher does not solve the problem you could:

Check the school's anti-bullying policy to see that procedures are being followed;

Discuss your concerns with the parent governor or other parents;

Make an appointment to discuss the matter with the head teacher and keep a record of the meeting;

If this does not help, write to the chair of governors or contact your local authority's director of education who will make sure the governors respond to your concerns.

It is important throughout all of this process to constantly reassure your child that they have done the right thing in bringing this matter to light and that all forms of bullying are unacceptable. Research has shown that children as young as nursery age can be the targets for bullying and that bullying across all school ages continues to be a problem. Don't suffer in silence.

* If you have an issue you would like to see Anne tackle, write to Growing Pains, Features, The Northern Echo, Priestgate, Darlington, DL1 1NF.