Oh Danny boy, what are you playing at? It's all very well keeping it in the family but sleeping with your son's girlfriend is overstepping the mark. Leanne - that's spelt S-L-A-P-P-E-R - is the young lady caught in the middle of father and son Baldwin, Danny and Jamie. This is a position she likes a lot as followers of Coronation Street (ITV1) will know.

And so does Danny, who slips his son 50 notes to take cousin Adam for a night on the town so that he can have a night on Leanne. Danny and Leanne enjoy what the tabloids call "a night of passion" in Mike Baldwin's empty flat on the pretext that while Mike's away they will play.

Cheeky Leanne even takes a phone call from Jamie while she's in bed with Danny. Talk about dirty phone calls.

No wonder Shelley has a panic attack when she steps outside the Rovers. She'd be better off indoors with psycho-boyfriend Charlie, the builder with the big toolbox who has abandoned construction work for tormenting and humiliating barmaid Shelley.

Her mother Bev tries to help by getting a job and declaring that she's staying in Weatherfield to try to extricate her daughter from Charlie's clutches, whatever it takes. A large crowbar and a team of strongmen will be needed as Shelley is determined to stick by her man Charlie.

Just as Weatherfield bitch Tracy Barlow is adamant that she'll get Steve McDonald back into her life. Catching him having a pint (of beer, not blood) with former fling Louise is only a temporary hiccup. Tracy persuades grandma Blanche to rent No 7 to her and Steve for a cosy love nest. Little does she know that Steve doesn't want her, only his daughter Amy.

No sooner does one Slater sister return in EastEnders (BBC1) than another decides to pack her bags and go. What a pity her leaving do is spoiled when a couple of bad pennies turn up, not down the back of the sofa but in the Vic as Dennis and Sharon re-appear. What a shock, he's wearing a shirt and not exposing his naked torso. Neither is she, but then it is before the watershed.

But there's no turning back for Zoe now that she's discovered the truth about Dirty Den's demise. She knows that it was Chrissie the ex-crimper who finished the scumbag off by braining him with the doggie doorstop.

Unbridled pensioner passion in the Branning household as Dot's driving instructor Mr Rawlins shows his true colours. He makes a pass at Dot during a driving lesson. It's what you might call a "is that a gear stick or are you just pleased to see me?" moment. No doubt Dot will bash him over the head with a rolled up copy of the Highway Code, just as long as she remembers to put on the handbrake first.

Eric Pollard, a man in search of a storyline, finds one at last in Emmerdale (ITV1) when he finally gets together with Val, the Geordie schemer. He has little choice as she moves herself and her belongings into his pad.

Louise, the barmaid who can't say no, gives in to Matthew King. Again. And again. And again. She just can't resist his King-size bedside manner. Then she changes her mind (not an exercise that will take up much time considering the size of her intellect) as the next time they rendezvous in a hotel room, she dumps him. She's more changeable than the BBC weather map and just as incomprehensible.

Published: 09/06/2005