"DON'T tell me... they reckon blueberries improve your sex life don't they," said my wife as her favourite breakfast fruit became a business TV highlight on Monday with the news that we in the UK now buy £26.2m of the "superfood".

"Look, I've just eaten them for ages because I like them and I'm fed up if I've got to start fighting for a packet of berries in future," said my other half, who had been initially fascinated and amused by the healthy diet recommendations of TV experts like Dr Gillian McKeith - she of You Are What You Eat fame.

Now that the wizened wonder of healthy diet has produced Ten Naughty Nibbles To Spice Up Your Sex Life, her appeal has somewhat faded in my house.

Incidentally, blueberries only appear at No 4, the top treat being the pickled cabbage of sauerkraut which probably means that a gas mask becomes an all-important sex aid.

Away from the news, most thoughts are turning to summer vacations or in the case of Simon Reeves it's Holidays In The Danger Zone - Places That Don't Exist (BBC2, Wednesday).

He started off being chuntered at in Chinese for filming scenes of Government army recruitment boosted by 'it's time to attack Taiwan' propaganda. Then he took a flight to Taiwan, having to fly via Hong Kong, because the islanders and the Chinese don't get on.

"Why is this idiot going to danger zones for a holiday, we only have to go to Spain to get into serious trouble and nearly mugged," said Mrs Blueberry, who would do wonders for Tai-Chinese relations.

Soon Mr Reeves was introducing us to the remnants of Chinese nationalism clinging to the giant country's sea border where tourists from the mainland pack into pleasure boats to come out and view the anti-communist messages on the island.

The older islanders dream of returning to China while their children have grasped Westernised culture to the point of fans screaming for home-produced boy bands. "It's the Taiwanese version of Blue... only they can play their instruments and they're not miming," said Mrs B.

The serious side to Mr Reeves' visit is the knowledge that China's current irritation with its tiny province is the next most threatening major flashpoint for the US after Iraq. Perhaps more sauerkraut and strawberries in the Chinese diet would help, or we could let them bomb Celebrity Love Island (ITV1) instead.

The one person ripe for a holiday in the danger zone, with a one-way ticket, is Ann Maurice who is being let loose on five every Friday with not one but three programmes virtually back-to-back. There's House Doctor: the A-Z, House Doctor: Inside And Out and House Doctor Changed My Life. Mrs B was an avid fan of the acid-tongued "paint it anything you like as long as it's neutral" style guru at first. Now she's got to go.

"House Doctor did change my life, I don't want to watch it any more," said my wise counsel at home. Do I tell her that the current surge in milk sales is down to more people eating porridge in the mornings, probably with blueberries on top? I think I'll save my breath.

Published: 21/05/2005