THIN, scruffy, unpleasant, limping... and American. Hardly a good description of British comic Hugh Laurie as he growls his way through the darkly medical mirth of House (five, Thursday).

"But he's so rude," said my wife as medical programme examiner, probably recalling those halo-wearing diagnostic days of Dr Kildare and Dr Finlay.

No, Dr Greg House (who thankfully only shares the rudeness genes of five's beloved House Doctor) differs from the many, many previous TV GPs by actually hating all patients and fellow medics... well, just about everyone actually.

So often the butt of comic partner Stephen Fry's characters and the ninny of Blackadder, Laurie has indeed defied the medicine of programme-making by fooling the producers into thinking he was American and produced a US ratings winner using a bedside manner borrowed from Simon Cowell.

The 10pm slot reflects the "there's going to be blood" nature of pretty realistic procedures and operations. And I managed to persuade my fellow examiner not to flee the room when House was shown to be preparing to cut off the big toe of a 16-year-old boy with a mysterious brain condition. "Well he did look nasty enough to do something like that. How was I to know it was supposed to be the boy's nightmare?" she said, when not hiding behind a cushion during the scarier parts.

For all that, House is worth the wear and tear on your nerves. This week, the comic side was the doctor's decision to illegally test the DNA of the boy's parents after betting half the hospital that they weren't blood related to the patient. Let's hope we don't tire of the grumpy do-gooder too quickly.

The same can't be said of Trouble In Store (BBC1, Tuesday) which I really wanted to enjoy because it features my favourite North-East shopping destination, Gateshead's MetroCentre.

It probably wasn't the brightest of ideas to show traffic warden Bill Pointer racing off to recharge his machine's batteries so that he could beat his "world record" of booking 61 drivers for illegal parking - and you thought parking was free at the Metro?

As a disabled bay user, where most of the culprits were caught, the zeal of Mr Pointer is much appreciated, but it might not be too wise to turn that into a game.

"Well, he's just nasty. I don't think he shows the MetroCentre in a very good light," said the woman who I still haven't forgiven for dragging me to the nearby Ikea with a wheelchair-using son last Saturday.

Well how was she to know that the shelving unit she wanted wouldn't fit in the car (even though I told her so), the queue for home delivery was round the building and we'd bought the wrong one in the first place?

If ever there was a case for House to be rude about, this was it.

Published: 18/06/2005