THE residents of Soapland are not known for curling up in bed with Charles Dickens or Jackie Collins. Reading is something for which they have little time, being too preoccupied with eating, drinking, arguing, marrying, divorcing, cheating on their partners or battering their dad over the head with a wrench. They might occasionally turn the pages of The Beano or The Dandy, while Candice has been known to enviously gaze at the pages of Hello.

So the formation of a book club in Weatherfield was a bit of a surprise in Coronation Street (ITV1). Apart from Ken Barlow, I wasn't aware than any of them was interested in reading anything bigger than the label on a tin of baked beans or the obits column of the Weatherfield Gazette.

But these literary clubbers - Norris, Blanche, Emily, Rita and of course Ken - have become very agitated in recent weeks over a novel entitled Hard Grinding. This is a book which is not, I assume, a detailed examination of the art of sharpening tools, but something considerably racier.

They get in a bit of a tizzy when the author Mel Hutchwright - a man who bears a striking resemblance to that Sir Ian fellow who played Gandalf in The Lord Of The Rings - treads the hallowed cobbles. Not everyone takes a liking to him. Ken, the Street equivalent of Einstein, takes exception, mainly because Mel insists on calling him Kev. Rumours that Hard Grinding is to be next month's choice on Richard And Judy are, apparently, untrue.

What's this?. Round at Ian Davenport's car business, silly Sally is cleaning cars on the forecourt of the dealership. How are the mighty fallen. She's being punished by love rat Ian for refusing to fall into his arms again. He tries to make life so unpleasant for her that she'll have no option but to resign. Still, at least, the cars are looking cleaner even if Sally's face is as black as thunder.

Les and Cilla are back from sunny Spain and - surprise, surprise - short of money. She finds she's lost her job at the Weatherfield Arms and declares that she's going to be a housewife and mother. It doesn't last long. Staying at home isn't for Cilla and she gets a job in a chip shop.

Pauline Fowler finally sees her granddaughter Chloe in EastEnders (BBC1). Once the child has stopped sobbing at the sight of the old dragon, Pauline can't bear to let her go. Chloe (now called Rebecca) is, after all, her son Mark's daughter and Pauline hatches a plan to get Chloe/Rebecca back for good - and probably change her name to Amarillo so that if the child ever goes missing she can ask people to show her the way to...

Fasten your safety belts it's going to be a bumpy ride as Dot Branning learns to drive in the car on which husband Jim blew their backdated pension money. We all know it's never a good thing to ask a relative to teach you to drive, especially if you're a chain-smoking, Bible-quoting pensioner like Dot.

It only seems five minutes since Sadie the bitchy lady left Emmerdale (ITV1) - probably because it was - but she's back and determined to get revenge on estranged husband Jimmy King.

She enlists the help of Cain Dingle, mainly because he's a dab hand with a jemmy and can break into the Kings' office. He grabs Jimmy's laptop (there's no law against it) which gives Sadie access to all sorts of secret information. If only Jimmy had kept his password a secret.

Sadie is a lady who'll turn her hand to anything - or anyone, because she then enlists the help of sometime toyboy lover Robert Sugden to assist in her revenge plan.

If only she'd stayed at home with a good book, none of this nastiness would have happened.

Published: 28/04/2005