THE Lions are in the soup, but it can't be Campbell's because Alastair of that ilk is on the tour to ensure that a positive spin is put on everything.

As if a party of 45 players and 29 back-up staff were not sufficient reason to question Sir Clive Woodward's marbles, the request for Campbell to oversee media and public relations provided confirmation that the old maxim "to fail to prepare is to prepare to fail" was being taken to irrational extremes.

It took only 40 seconds of the first Test for the supposedly best-laid plans to be unceremoniously up-ended by two All Blacks who ensured that skipper Brian O'Driscoll would take no further part in the tour.

The fact that one of those All Blacks, his opposing captain Tana Umaga, made no attempt to enquire after O'Driscoll's health suggests he was either too embarrassed by a deliberate dastardly deed or smugly satisfied with a job well done.

Even the world champion spin doctor could find no good in such a dreadful scenario. With the party's other outstanding captaincy candidate, Lawrence Dallaglio, already back home, the signs were that the £6m cost of the tour would be exposed as a ridiculous waste.

There is time to salvage something from the wreckage, but Woodward has given himself so many options he seems to have little idea what his best team might be and there is not enough time to find out.

He has a reputation for being radical, so if there isn't a hooker in the squad who can throw in Sir Clive should break with tradition by giving the job to a prop, a back row forward, a winger, Alastair Campbell, or anyone who can hit his target at the line-out.

If they can't secure their own ball, they have no chance. But the shambolic citing procedure which ignored the disgraceful tackle on O'Driscoll yet saw Danny Grewcock banned for two months for biting when an opponent shoved a finger in his mouth might just make these Lions roar.

IF Alastair Campbell were still penning Tony Blair's scripts he would surely have been whisked away from New Zealand by now to team up with another overblown squad, the one giving the London Olympic bid its final shove to the summit.

Even Sven-Goran Eriksson has been recruited to the cause, travelling with the massive delegation to Singapore for the International Olympic Committee vote next Wednesday.

David Beckham and Sir Bobby Charlton are already in the cast of thousands, so what extra impetus can be gained from the presence of a philandering Swede is beyond me, especially when a recent conquest is airing her grievances with the FA in court.

Ah yes, sweet FA, alias Faria Alam, a scorned woman who clearly wants her pound of flesh. It may provide good tittle-tattle, otherwise it is deeply depressing that this should come to court so soon after the ludicrous waste of time and money involved in Harry Kewell's attempt to sue Gary Lineker, who was so obviously justified in his comments.

As for the Olympic bid, it has had far more chance of success since Sebastian Coe took over the reins from an American businesswoman. But if Paris wins, as expected, it will take some gold-medal spinning to prevent the London bid looking as big a waste of money as the Lions tour.

CYCLING legend Lance Armstrong, who is about to embark on his final professional race, is involved with nine cases of litigation. As he bids for a seventh successive Tour de France triumph there are still many who believe drugs are responsible for the incredible success of a man given a 20-40 per cent chance of surviving cancer eight years ago.

He is said to be the most drug-tested man in sport, but although the results have always been negative the doubters continue to pursue him. His answer is always: "See you in court."

ENGLAND'S flop at Riverside last week left me with few regrets after my agonising choice between covering the cricket and playing in the Slaley Hall pro-am with either Sam Torrance or Mark James. It turned out to be the sharp-shooting "Jesse" James (full details coming shortly) and afterwards several thousand pounds were raised at a the post-dinner auction for Debra, the charity which supports people whose skin drops off, the best-known victim being the late Johnny Kennedy.

All this was extremely laudable, but it pales alongside the J P McManus Invitational pro-am at Adare Manor, Co Limerick, next Monday and Tuesday, when 162 enthusiasts will tee up with the likes of Tiger Woods and Ernie Els.

One of the world's most financially successful charity events, it is held every five years and in 2000 raised £13.2m.

Items at next Tuesday's dinner auction include a round of golf with Woods, which is expected to fetch £1m. Now that he has sold his Manchester United shares, McManus could easily afford that himself.

Published: 01/07/2005