This is my Bonfire Night blog. “It is late,” I hear you say. Well the reason for that is because of perhaps the most useless of poems which help you remember things.

“Remember, remember, the fifth of November.”

Snappy, yes. But while I always remember the start of it (the “Remember, remember” bit) the crucial date bit is the bit I forget.

That's because while “remember” rhymes with “November”, it also rhymes with “September”, “October” or “December”.

And the “fifth” bit of it could quite easily be the “sixth”, “ninth” etc etc.

So, in summary, “Remember, remember, the fifth of November” could quite easily be “Remember, remember, the sixth of September”. In fact, I think the latter one sounds better.

What would be better, is something where the crucial rhyme is with “fifth”.

But then I'm having trouble thinking of a snappy Guy Fawkes-related ditty which involves any of the following: filth, firth, tilth, froth, girth, mirth, filthy, birth, forth, north, wrath, Plath, Barth, fourth, tenth, truth, sloth, smith, wroth, Alioth, berth, Garth, eighth, cloth, broth, earth, musth, Perth, troth, worth, depth, frothy, breath, hearth, fortieth, health, worthy, smooth, zeroth, earthy, Duluth, timothy, drouth, sleuth, hipbath, Goliath, growth, wraith, wreath, zenith.

And some of those don't even rhyme with “fifth”. Thankfully I have hundreds of small explosions happening outside my house to remind me when the special day is.