In the biggest mystery since Ray Wood’s wheelbarrow went missing, the Cockfield Quoits Club’s ‘Wooden Spoon’ trophy has disappeared!

The ‘wooden spoon’ is an award (tongue in cheek!) presented by Mandy Barron -landlady - every year to the player she deems has had the poorest performance. This years recipient was Andy Crow, who was unable to collect his ‘prize’ on Saturday night due to a prior engagement. I graciously accepted it on his behalf.

The trophy went ‘missing’ on Sunday evening some time before 6pm.

The last positive sighting of the spoon was at about 5-15pm, by strangely enough, myself and Acrow! About an hour after I had left the pub I got a phone call from John ‘Dolly’ Dalton.

“Have you got the wooden spoon?” he enquired.

“NO!” says I, “maybe Acrow’s taken it round home.”

A quick call to Acrow followed but he was as puzzled by it’s disappearance as the rest of us.

The barman, at the time the spoon went AWOL, was Steve Blackett.

“I’d just nipped out for a quick smoke” said Steve, “ I didn’t have my back turned for more than an hour and ten minutes and when I returned it was gone!”

Dolly said he is ‘mystified’. “We’ve searched the pub high and low but to no avail, one minuet it was on the mantle piece, the next it’s gone!”

The ‘spoon’ which is rumoured to be worth about £2-27 wasn’t insured, so it looks like the Quoits Club will have to bear the brunt of the cost of a replacement.

Spoon expert, Uri -Wilko - Geller, blamed the time of year.

“A lot of people are making corned beef stews at this time of year” he said, “I think someone’s just borrowed it and they’ll return it to the mantle piece once the weather picks up a bit!”

Mr Wilko-Geller also offered an alternative theory.

“Wooden spoons of this type can get a bit of an inferiority complex sitting right next to the ‘shiny’ trophies. It has been known for them to get depressed and just ‘jump’ from where they are standing. Unfortunately in this case it was right above a roaring fire and I dread to think what might have happened to it!”

Dolly immediately dismissed this theory; “I cleaned the fire out this morning, (that’s a first!) but there was no sign of any metal bits from its base!”

It’s been rumoured that last years recipient, Vince - The Prince - Bradwell, has taken it back home to hide a stain on his sideboard, but he has denied this claiming he was eating his second dinner at the time of the disappearance!

Q. Did the spoon jump into the fire?

Q. Did it run away with the ‘Dish’?

Q. Is there a PHANTOM spoon thief?

HAVE YOU SEEN THE WOODEN SPOON?

The Quoits Team are offering a REWARD of £1-97 for any information which leads to its recovery!

I’ll keep you informed!