Anyone who has ever visited my messy home will know that Outdoor Man and I believe that there’s more to life than DIY and tidiness. That said, spring arrives and the sight of blackbirds flitting around the garden with twigs in beaks building nests, arouses in me instincts that are otherwise alien. Hence my morning spent de-cluttering.

I am not alone, for now is not only the season for couples to commit to each other through marriage vows but also for others to take legal advice concerning their perceived incompatibility and desire to divorce. Spring causes her to contemplate life without the constant need to pick up half empty mugs and dirty clothes scattered around the home and the desirability of that extra space presently turned over to his collection of “good” wood and “it will come in useful” plastic and metal bits. Conversely he begins to fantasise about a life without credit card bills incurred so far as he can see on adding more to already bulging wardrobes, overfilled bathroom shelves and all those perfumed candles on the window ledges.

Outdoor Man has a penchant for cardboard boxes in all shapes and sizes which we apparently might need one day, but which presently serve no purpose other than adding extra insulation to the loft and garage. During the course of my spring-clean, I had a brainwave. I suggested that I should take them to Latimer Hinks where any potential divorce client brought to breaking point by the state of their home could help themselves to a free receptacle to take rubbish to the tip. Not only would this clear space in my home but just imagine the extent to which others could be helped and the divorce rate in Darlington plummet. Outdoor Man is having none of it. They’re his and he’s keeping them. Forget his love of boxes; I think he just wants to keep me in work!