Durham MP's shocking claims of sexist abuse in parliament

Durham MP Mary Kelly Foy said she had witness MPs ‘plying their female staff with drink’ in Parliament bars and others being forced to sit on parliament member's knees when there were no seats. 

She claimed one women told her how she was lured back to her bosses flat where he stripped and paraded around naked. 

The environment for women in politics is “more hostile” than it has been in decades and women are being forced out of politics by the now 'normalised' behaviour.

Mary Foy and other high-profile North East politicians and staff say women are being forced out of politics by the now “normalised” behaviour. 

They also revealed how they had been forced to call in police after repeatedly being targeted by male abusers online, with one telling Mary Foy they “wished she had died” after she beat breast cancer. 

(Image: The Northern Echo)

‘Men told me that it was a shame that I beat breast cancer’

Mary Kelly Foy, the MP for the City of Durham, has been an MP since 2019, and was a councillor for a decade before that.

Mary and her team have seen an uptick in online abuse over recent months, and are considering leaving Twitter/X altogether because of digital venom.  

Winning a battle with breast cancer should be a cause for celebration regardless of political leanings, but on social media, men “empowered by anonymity”, told Mary that they wished she had died, and that she was using cancer as an excuse.

“I have just finished cancer treatment, and have been slipped [excused from attending Parliament on personal grounds],” Mary told the Northern Echo.

“But there are men on social media, a few men in particular, who will have a go no matter what I do, leaving comments saying ‘do not be using your cancer as an excuse for not going to vote’ or saying that their relatives have had cancer and been fine, so I should be in Parliament.”

The constituency team has had to report one perpetrator of abuse to the police for making threats, and the case is expected to make it to the courts soon.

Mary said: “Social media gives perpetrators the excuse to be able to be as awful as they want and think they're a big, tough, hard man on social media. But actually, they probably wouldn't do it in public.

“I think the rot set in with Trump’s last campaign – all of the misogyny and ableism. You saw it in the 2019 intake of MPs too. In a way, Trump and made it okay for male politicians to behave like that to women, talking down and talking over you. It was shocking.”

The Durham MP described seeing the trickle-down effect of this sexism on the streets too – often, members of the public will assume Mary’s male members of staff are their local MP, even if Mary was stood beside a poster of her face. 

‘A war of attrition’

A former political staffer from the North East, who preferred to remain anonymous, told the Northern Echo she experienced everyday sexism and sexual harassment at work.

“The reality of it is that you feel a bit silly for raising anything. Everything is low-level enough, and consistent enough, that you feel like there’s nothing to report,” she said.

“But day in day out it wears you down. It's like a war of attrition just for having the gall to be a woman.”

During her years in Parliament, she felt like superiors making “sleazy” comments was a “normalised” part of her work life.

Abuse was directed at her by members of the public too. Going out canvassing, she would sometimes be “screamed at on doorsteps” until she was in tears.

“Because I was a young woman, people thought they could intimidate me because they didn’t like my politics. To be honest, it was really scary sometimes, and I would have far more bad experiences than any of the men on the team.

“It is not right that some people think that's a healthy political discussion.”

Mary Kelly Foy added: “There's been a load of MPs who've been suspended for their abuse towards female staffers.

“Sometimes you would go into the Parliament Bar and think ‘oh my god, some MPs here are so sleazy with their staffers.’

“They’d have their arms around them, obviously plying them with drink. If there was nowhere  to sit, MPs would tell staffers to sit on their knee.

“We got close to one woman who told us she had been lured back to her boss’s flat and he was walking around naked!

“We know a lot of women that have been treated really badly in Parliament and had to leave, which is really sad. They’ve wanted a career in politics, but had to give up because of the toxic environment.”

‘I would never want my daughter to work in parliament’

A member of an MP’s office team added that she “would never want my daughter to work in Parliament.” 

“Women go into politics, but might not last long once they see how it works.”

As a woman, people who called into the MP’s office for help were far more likely to abuse her than any of the male members of staff.

“We’ve had people ring up and just fire off a barrage of abuse. It is mainly men, and they get really personal. They just want a reason to attack you.”

In a 2017 study,  experts found that of 48,000 women across Europe, 11 per cent had experienced sexual online abuse. In the UK, this rate increased to 13 per cent. 

Elect Her, an organisation dedicated to getting women into politics, has seen increasing numbers of women leaving politics, citing the huge strain of being in elected office. 

Though Elect Her runs coaching sessions on digital self-defence for dealing with sexist and racist comments, some politicians find the abuse too much to bear - 41 per cent of MPs say their mental wellbeing is low or very low. 

Policies changed over security concerns

(Image: Contributor)

Even those who sit on local councils are subject to vitriol online.

Amanda Hopgood, the Liberal Democrat leader of Durham County Council (DCC), has a “just get on with it” attitude to the abuse she receives online.

“Men probably wouldn’t get the comments I get. No one will be linking their appearance with their politics.

“I have always been a ‘get on with it’ type person, but when you step back and ask the question ‘is this sexist’, you realise it is.”

Dr Annabel Mullin, director of communications at Elect Her, said that sexism is not limited to national government. 

Last month, Elect Her supported eight female councillors who resigned in Herefordshire after accusing the council's leader of failing to deal with allegations of sexist bullying and sexual harassment.

Amanda added that Durham County Council has changed its policies on publishing councillor’s home addresses.

Despite being standard local government procedure that councillors' home addresses should be publicly available, DCC recently changed policy, after councillors raised security concerns.

Now, an address at the council’s headquarters is displayed as standard, along with contact details for the councillor’s office, rather than any personal details.

Female representation in local authorities across County Durham and the wider North East is good, but Amanda thinks there is more to be done when it comes to the council officers' side of the council.

Though five out of eight councils in the North East combined authority have female leaders, only two have female chief executives.   

“I never want to get a job just because I am a woman – I want to be the best fit for the role. But there is more to be done to ensure women have access to the right training and experience to be the best person for powerful jobs,” Amanda said.

‘Incompatible with womanhood’

The 2024 election saw the largest proportion of female MPs take up seats in the House of Commons, which the Fawcett Society called a “significant milestone”.

But the legacy of a male-dominated Parliament persists.

The challenges of working in Parliament, such as long hours, archaic practices, and the need for better facilities for women, including those experiencing menopause, have been highlighted.

Speaking to the Northern Echo, women in politics have said that in many instances, Parliament is “just not compatible with womanhood.”

An anonymous staffer noted: “I wouldn’t have been able to start a family whilst working in parliament. The hours were so unsociable it was difficult to meet someone, let alone have children.”

Mary Kelly Foy added that there were concerns for women in politics at a different stage in their lives. There is little in the way of support for MPs going through the menopause.

She said: “Adjustments need to be made, and it has to be treated like a legitimate condition. The rooms are just too hot for women going through hot flushes. My office window doesn’t even open!

“And there are issues with things like getting sanitary products – there just don’t seem to be the physical facilities for women. It’s still made for men.”

‘Cowardly keyboard warriors’ discouraging young women’s political ambitions

(Image: KIM MCGUINNESS)

Since being elected, North East mayor Kim McGuiness has had multiple discussions with the police over her security concerns because of online trolls.

Kim said: “Online, sexist and misogynist abuse is sadly a daily occurrence in my experience. I'm unable to open a social media app on my phone without being greeted with a string of inappropriate, rude or hateful comments.

“Whilst being in public office comes with accountability and transparency, the tone of the comments crosses a line - some of which are without doubt the wrong side of the law.

“It's a worrying environment to be a woman in politics and I've had conversations with police about my safety.”

Kim’s worry is that young people, women and girls in particular, are seeing hate online that discourages them from a career in politics “thanks to the actions of cowardly keyboard warriors”.

“Online and offline, we need to find a more civil way of doing politics and to try bring people together.”

Regulator Ofcom has acknowledged that some online interactions are an “extension of harmful gender dynamics that exist in wider society.”

The organisation has said that they intend to publish draft guidance for online services, helping services to tackle online gendered violence and abuse.

But politicians believe more has to be done by social media companies, Ofcom, and ministers to “stamp out unpleasant discourse.”

Kim told the Northern Echo that platforms “allowed hatred and misinformation to spread during the summer riots, and undoubtedly enabled further disorder to spill onto our streets.”

“And if [social media service providers] won't step up, Ofcom needs to take robust action, backed by more regulatory powers from ministers.”