Darlington woman's anger as St Andrew's Church takes items from graves

Debbie Burt was left heartbroken when she discovered that artificial flowers and pictures of her parents had been removed from their graves.

The controversy began around 18 months ago when notices were put up in the churchyard of St Andrew's Church in Haughton-Le-Skerne and letters sent to people reminding them what was allowed to be left on graves.

Numerous Northern Echo readers got in touch last year about articles being removed from the graves of their loved ones.

The church, on the outskirts of Darlington, is still at the centre of a row after residents spoke out about “inconsistent” rules regarding how graves can be tended.

Notices were erected in the churchyard. Picture: Stuart Boulton (Image: Stuart Boulton)

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The rules stated that real flowers were allowed, but artificial flowers were not. Ornaments, vases and trinkets were prohibited, and there were strict criteria for what classed as appropriate headstones and grave markers.

Signs were also erected in the churchyard explaining the rules.

Debbie Burt was a regular church-goer of St Andrew’s since childhood, and enjoyed taking her grandchildren to the churchyard to visit the graves of her parents, who passed away in 2002 and 2011.

Ms Burt said: “I’m absolutely heartbroken over this. I understand the church has rules so that people don’t go over the top but some of these rules are just ridiculous. How artificial flowers can cause anyone ‘distress’ I don’t know.

“I always brought my grandchildren here and it was always a special place for us but now I’m just so sad and angry about this.

“Originally when I noticed my artificial flowers and framed pictures of my mam and dad were gone I asked the church and I was told I could make an appointment to collect them.

"But when I tried to do that I was told they’d been taken to the tip. Words can’t describe how this has made me feel.

“I understand why the church has rules in place but I think they’ve gone about this in completely the wrong way. I’ve been a Christian my whole life but I don’t think what the church has done is very Christian at all.”

Headstones at St Andrew's Church. Picture: Stuart Boulton (Image: Stuart Boulton, Darlington)

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A spokesperson for the Diocese of Durham said: “Over the last year, St Andrew’s has been carefully ensuring that its churchyard conforms to the rules governing what can and cannot be placed around memorial stones.

“These rules are set by Durham Diocese and every diocese has its own regulations protecting churchyards for all who visit them. Experience shows that if there aren’t clear boundaries, the articles left by some families as genuine expressions of grief may not seem fitting to other people whose loved one’s ashes are interred there. This can cause real distress.  

“St Andrew’s contacted all the families for whom it has contact details to advise of plans to remove items not permitted. Notices were also placed in this part of the churchyard since last March and again in September.

"The regulations cover grave markers around headstones, and what may and may not be added to those areas. Fresh flowers are welcome and encouraged but should be removed when dead, and artificial flowers are not allowed. In the last few days, Christmas wreaths have been removed..

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The spokesperson added: “We stress that St Andrew’s has made every effort to be in contact with families to ask that items not permitted are removed, and sadly where these items weren’t removed, the parish had no option but to remove them itself. The items were stored for around six weeks, but sadly it is not practical to store them indefinitely.

“No headstones that were legally installed have been moved. St Andrew’s has a duty to all families who have the ashes of their loved ones interred in the churchyard to make sure it is effectively and respectfully managed and well cared for in line with the regulations set by the Diocese.”

St Andrew's Church is the oldest church in Darlington (Image: Stuart Boulton)

Picture: Stuart Boulton (Image: Stuart Boulton)