Council officers opposed a family's plans to build a balcony on their home while letting a large developer build "party terraces" over the road, a meeting heard.
Barry and Eileen Grimes defended their plan for new balconies and doors at their Durham city centre home.
They requested planning permission for a roof balcony, first-floor balcony, bay window and French doors at their mid-terrace town house on Highgate, Durham.
Durham County Council planning officers recommended the plan be refused.
Design and conservation officers objected, saying it would harm the conservation area and world heritage site and the roof balcony would be "intrusive".
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Mrs Grimes told the planning committee meeting they had turned a home for seven students into a family home: "We are simply trying to improve our home and to provide a little outside space.
"The Milburngate development opposite has three, yes three, large terraces on it, which include food preparation area, barbecue and, yes, a fully functioning bar area.
"These are designed to be party terraces, and they look directly into our home."
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Ward councillor Richard Ormerod spoke in support, saying: "If we want families to stay in the city we need to allow them within reason to get their houses the way they want them.
"If we don't, what happens? They move away and we move ever closer to a student takeover. We really need to face up to this problem properly.
"The roof balcony is similar to the roof terrace in the building opposite at Framwellgate. How is it possible to turn this down when a huge development just across the road has roof terraces?
"If this is rejected there is a grave danger that we're seen to have one rule for the big developer and another for the ordinary family."
Principal planning officer Paul Hopper said the development across the road was part of a commercial area and was not "directly comparable".
He said the conservation officers were "fundamentally opposed" to the proposed roof balcony, which emerged as the main sticking point in the meeting.
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Cllr Jonathan Elmer agreed private residents should have freedom to modernise their houses and sympathised with the point on "inconsistent decision making".
He said: "We apply these constraints in relation to household-scale developments. We don't seem to be so strict when it comes to major developers."
But he said it was vital to "hold that line" about conserving heritage and stop it being "chipped away".
Cllr Liz Brown said: "The conservation officer has given a fairly damning report for this. I think the roof balcony is a step too far quite frankly."
Committee chair Cllr David Freeman said: "There is a massive development just over the road which is neither in my view compliant with the world heritage site or the conservation area.
"Indeed the Highgate development itself, some of the value of that has been damaged by the large buildings that we as a council have approved."
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The committee voted unanimously to defer the planning application for Mr and Mrs Grimes to talk to officers more about the proposals.
Mrs Grimes said: "We've lived in Durham all our life. We want to protect the world heritage site.
"We'll work with officers to bring back a proposal that is suitable to us and suitable to officers and members."
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