TO those of us who weren't born yesterday it is hard to believe it's pure coincidence that Sam Allardyce should resign at Bolton a few days before the Newcastle manager's job became vacant.

And as we remove the wool from our eyes we cannot really be expected to believe that Glenn Roeder resigned. He may have been happy enough to take the bullet, but the pistol was obviously at his head.

So with the stage conveniently set for Allardyce to step in, what happens if Freddy Shepherd is suddenly seduced by the reported interest of Sven and Gerard Houllier? Will Big Sam sue for breach of promise?

The real mystery is why Shepherd should feel comfortable with appointing Allardyce after getting rid of former assistant manager Kevin Bond so swiftly when he was implicated in Panorama's bungs inquiry.

Allardyce has refused to speak to the BBC since they also pointed the finger at him, or more specifically at his agent son. He has not been found guilty of anything, but with Lord Stevens' final bungs inquiry report being handed over to the FA this week it might be wise for Newcastle to await publication of the findings.

Sven was first mentioned, jokingly, in this space 18 months ago as a candidate for the Newcastle job, but now it seems his agent wants us to take the possibility seriously. And while we're at it we can add Tony Blair to the list as he will shortly be at a loose end and might fancy managing one of the many clubs he has pretended to support.

WHILE there may be a hint of hypocrisy afloat at St James' Park, the murky world of football has thrown up much shadier dealings recently, notably at Leeds, who are reaping the all-too-predictable rewards of becoming entangled with the appalling Ken Bates.

The club's plight is not his fault, proclaims the former Chelsea chief, just as he did with the Wembley fiasco, and now he has the gall to put the club into administration in the hope of buying it back once the unfortunate debtors have been fobbed off.

Bates is probably congratulating himself on his timing as he called in the administrators two days before Leeds' final game, in which it was all but impossible for them to avoid relegation. That ensured they incurred the automatic ten-point penalty this season rather than next, rendering it irrelevant.

This is clearly ludicrous, and far from being allowed to buy back the club Bates should be drummed out of football for his unethical machinations.

NOT content with winning the Ashes 5-0, and the World Cup, the Aussies want to hit the ball even further. Cricket's lawmakers have overruled Sri Lanka's protests about Adam Gilchrist using a squash ball inside his glove when making 149 in the World Cup final, but Australian bat manufacturers are making further attempts to reduce vibration in the handle.

Among those banned in the past have been an aluminium bat, a blue bat and one with holes in, but boffins in Melbourne are designing a handle with a carbon fibre shell and a polymer insert which they say will enable batsmen to strike the ball further without fear of injury. As with golf, it's a sad state of affairs when technology takes over from skill.

I AM not in the habit of watching Sunday afternoon television, but in trying to find the cricket scores on Ceefax last week I happened upon the BBC Sports Personality of the Year trying to explain why she had withdrawn her horse at Badminton.

As when accepting the BBC award - how many times did she say it was amazing? - Zara was no more lucid than Lester Piggott, although she did speak rather more plummily.

Prior to the Cheltenham Festival in March there was talk of the heaviest going for years - what the Irish call yielding - but it was then that things started to dry up and Zara was only one of 22 who felt the cross-country course at Badminton was too firm to risk her horse.

She left the way clear for someone called Lucinda to win. Now there's a surprise.