Nice of you to say…

I remember a few years ago I had a woman working for me who was in the top ten in the country for figure and fitness, and she was a very attractive lady.
“You have the most beautiful teeth, Debbie” I said to her one day.
“Nice of you to say so, Nige” she replies,
“Oh aye,” says I “if you were a horse you’d be worth a fortune!”

She went off it!

Now I didn’t mean anything but to emphasise that she had nice teeth, but on reflection it was a poor choice of words.

The joke was on me last Monday as I was driving down Manor Grove to visit my mum.
It was a gloriously sunny day but, as you know at this time of year, the sun is very low in the sky and can be blinding if you’re driving into it. As it happens it was at my back but, heading towards me, was Cleve ‘Red’ Sumpton and as he approached he was obviously being blinded by the strong sunlight. As he passed me he stopped, wound the window down on his van and with a big grin says, “The sun might be in my eyes Dowsey but I still knew it was you!” Oh aye,” says I, “and how could you tell!” “I could just see the silhouette of ya EARS sticking out!”

I wouldn’t care… They’re my best feature!!

Farmers in and around the village seem to have a particular ‘penchant’ for a back handed compliment, but I think they mean it in a genuine way.

One of these farmers (Who shall remain nameless) had ‘a thing’ for a friend of mine called Christine Lovett.
At every opportunity he would go and chat and flirt with her.
Fortunately, Chris’s husband Steve, (A BIG lad) saw it for what it was, and would laugh along with the pair.

“What a grand pair of legs you’ve got there lass” he said to her one day.
“Bit post’ie at the top, but ya wouldn’t blow over in a gale!”

The ‘Daddy’ of all these ‘compliments’ however, came one night, when said farmer walked into the pub and saw Chris dressed in all her finery.

“Bah Lass” he says… “I WISH I HAD A PIG AS FIT!!”

I often wonder if he survived that night!!