IN CASE you didn’t notice, Christmas is nearly upon us.

In the past, I had been fairly dismissive of the whole affair. It generally started too early, was too expensive and most of my shopping, if at all, would be completed courtesy of a desperate dash around the MetroCentre on Christmas Eve.

It wasn’t always like that. It was once a time of wonder, when every Christmas song was a thing to behold, that I’d long for mince pies and endless amounts of selection box chocolate.

For me, that has come full circle. We now have a daughter who feels Christmas is a magical time and we have bought into that as a result.

So I’m feeling unapologetically festive, despite it being November.

I used to despise Those People who did their shopping early. But we are now Those People, because we’re almost done, comfortably so.

There are some who start their Christmas shopping in January. I’d say we would never go that far. But we’re getting earlier each year. It’s a trend, and we’re heading that way.

What have we become?

A MAIN part of the Christmas build-up is the festive TV adverts for all the big companies.

Coca Cola’s “Holidays are Coming” used to be the big one, the sign that Christmas was here.

Now it’s John Lewis’ offerings, which get more ambitious ever year. This week, I read of grown people bursting into tears after watching it.

I’ve been to John Lewis before and I’ve seen their prices, but surely there’s no need to cry about it.

In any case, their advert this year revolves around Monty the Penguin, who wants to find a companion for the festive period.

Complete with soft focus and a plinky plonky soundtrack, it is complete and utter tosh. And also has absolutely nothing to do with John Lewis as a shop.

But these retailers want to be bigger and better than the year before, so we’re locked into this now.

However, as one commenter pointed out, the messages aren’t all sweetness and light if you view the adverts in a particular way: "If you watch the John Lewis Christmas advert backwards it's basically about a penguin who shoves his wife in a box and goes to live with a child".

Now isn’t that the true message of Christmas?

Sainsbury’s have got in on the act too, with a four-minute spot produced in partnership with the Royal British Legion marking 100 years since the Great War began, focusing the story on the Christmas Day ceasefire where German and Allied troops played football in no-man’s land.

Four minutes, though? Part of the creativity of adverts was boiling your message down to a 30-second spot. Creating memories in less time than it takes to boil a kettle.

Now they are just overblown mushy mini-movies, designed to get people talking about the brand but not necessarily advertising their wares.

These retailers forget one important point. Who watches adverts anymore?

In these days of digital recording, Sky+ and TiVo, you can zap through the ad breaks in seconds.

If they were really serious about adverts, they would simply buy a whole commercial break, displaying a single image for four minutes reading “GO TO JOHN LEWIS”. Even if you fast-forwarded at the greatest speed possible, the retailer’s message would still get across.

Sorted.

I WATCHED with fascination at the European Space Agency’s successful attempts to land a space probe atop a moving comet this week.

It was hailed as a remarkable piece of space aviation, something that we could not fail to be impressed by.

It’s all well and good, but parking on a comet travelling at 37,000mph is nothing compared to the effort of getting a parking space in Teesside Park on a Saturday before Christmas.

Now that would be truly remarkable.