Fly on the wall

T HERE was some bem u s e m e n t when I told friends I was heading to Amsterdam. The first reaction was usually prefixed by a giggle, then a look of naughtiness before some hastily- conceived joke about ladies of the night and cannabis cafes.

“No,” I replied. “I’m not going to the city, I’m going to spend the day at the airport.”

Their amusement then turned to scornful sympathy, their eyes clearly betraying the thought that I had been conned.

More fool them, however – it was one of the more interesting weekends of my life, involving diamonds, an exclusive and almost impossible- to-find cocktail bar and Alexander the Great.

And I haven’t even told you yet about Essex blonde Jenny, whose magical hands pummelled and kneaded my travel-weary body in the Xpress Spa.

Had it not been for the tannoy systems bluntly scolding tardy passengers for holding up their flights, I would have forgotten I was in one of the world’s busiest airports.

My flight to Schipol from Newcastle arrived promptly at 8.30am, a quick browse of the duty-free followed by breakfast with two other journalists from London and Coventry which gave me plenty of time to explore what this international hub has to offer.

Schiphol, which is a 15-minute train ride away from Amsterdam city centre, is the base for Dutch airline KLM and most of its flights land there before heading off to exotic climes.

About 50,000 people pass through the airport every day, many of whom will be waiting for transfers, so keeping them occupied was the main challenge facing the creative team at Schipol, a challenge they met head on.

Naturally, retail therapy is high on the agenda but, while there are the obligatory shops selling cheap booze, fags, chocolates and clogs, Schipol also boasts a swankier shopping space.

The airport is only the second in the world to have its own Rolex store, while Amsterdam-based diamond company Gassan also has a shop selling its tiny rocks, as well as executive brands of jewellery.

In the Rolex store colleague from the press party tried on a 20,000 euro watch.

“Do people spend that much money?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh yes,” came the reply from the blonde behind the counter. “On a good day we can sell five or six.”

The Gassan store is also an eyeopener as well as an eye-waterer.

The pricey designer watches are way beyond anything I could afford, but they look like Christmas cracker novelties next to the diamonds.

The most expensive is 32,000 euros, and each stone is unique. Just for context, that’s a little less than half my mortgage. They can even put it in a ring for you while you wait.

The highlight of the Schipol waiting area is the Holland Boulevard, through which we were given a guided tour by its creator Maryan Brouwer.

It’s hard to describe its quirkiness.

Along one wall are several seating areas featuring furniture that wouldn’t look out of place as installations at an art gallery.

Talking of art, there is even a wing of the city’s Rijksmuseum in a pod above the concourse complete with extravagant shop.

In a sideroom, excited children laugh and whoop in a play area that looks like the Ewok set from Return Of The Jedi. Further on there is a baby room, with cots and family seating. It’s fun and cosy and if I were a parent travelling with a tot, I would use it mercilessly.

The Boulevard also boasts a library and mini spa featuring a massage machine (which fires water at your muscles at a ferocious velocity) and oxygen inhaler.

The masks blow air scented with either lavender or eucalyptus up your nose, a luscious experience after sitting in a pressurised cabin for several hours.

Then it’s on to the Xpress Spa where we were treated like kings (or at least business class passengers) before being sent away with gift bags (too small unfortunately to fit in the masseuse and vibrating chair).

We spent the night at Citizen M, comfortably the oddest hotel I have stayed in, and also the most comfortable.

The bed covered the width of the room and sat beneath a floor-to-ceiling window. The shower and toilet were in the middle of the room. Should one want privacy large glass doors could be pulled around making the space look like the transporter room on the USS Enterprise.

A swanky remote control, which would cost any punter who decided to take it home as a souvenir 600 euros, controlled the lights, blinds and TV which had stored on it a plethora of movies.

Naturally we also got to sample some of the city.

After a nail-biting taxi-ride from central station, which involved watching an angry cyclist bounce off our front wing before teetering away between towering homes, we dined at a pleasant Indonesian restaurant on a narrow street of eateries and eclectic houses.

Then, armed with a map, we crossed canals, squeezed between rows of astounding architecture and avoided whizzing cyclists to find Door 74, a super secretive cocktail bar that is only ever found by the initiated.

You have to ring a number and leave a message.

If they like the sound of you they call you back, give you a reservation and tell you where they are.

Thankfully, Maryan knew the owner, a formidable- sounding chap known only as Sergei.

We eventually found it, a small door with a hatch on a lively side street and were welcomed into a room capable of holding no more than 20 people.

Mobile phones were banned and you were asked to be considerate of other drinkers, but, essentially, the only rule is to relax and have fun.

The next day we sampled a canal boat tour before visiting the Alexander the Great exhibition at The Hermitage Museum, a collection of Roman, Greek and Persian artefacts usually displayed in Russia. Interesting, but perhaps not the best remedy to a night of cocktails and Indonesian food.

Then, after a whistle stop tour of Schipol’s shops for souvenirs, it was time to return to Newcastle.

TRAVEL FACTS

KLM flies up to four times a day from Newcastle Airport to Amsterdam Airport Schipol. Return fares start from £109 KLM offers seamless global travel with its quick and easy internet check-in facility.

Passengers can avoid airport queues and check in online up to one hour before departure. For more information, visit klm.com, for telephone bookings call 0871-222-7474.