DESPITE having my hand kissed by King Francis during the performance and having a speech full of “mange tout” dedicated to me, this production fell short on its rich promises.

It didn’t quite die on its sword; well it couldn’t with Dominic Goodwin as the rounded King Henry VIII with his Frankie Howard-style humour. Goodwin always has perfect command of the stage, his deep sonorous voice and charismatic energy make it difficult to tear your eyes away from him.

The action is set in Picardie, where the two young kings – Henry VIII and Francis I – met at The Field of Cloth of Gold (an awkward title), but so called because the kings brought their courts and retinues and were housed in tented palaces made of spun gold.

The two men and their two aids prepare for battle, each postulating their own masculinity with swords and fruit. Yes, fruit; pomegranates and figs, a nice bit of down-toearth comedy. Emanuel Brierley made a meal of the snail-eating King of France, but as the Barnsley-accented Binns, Henry’s aid, he came into his own and showed off his acting skills.

Writer Tony Lidington says he likes to create visual spectacle as well as rich text, and, with the aid of designer Ruth Paton, he manages the visuals with sumptuous costumes and two glittering tents.

The text is indeed very rich and actually very well written, but far too wordy to be a play.

In fact, so long-winded and verbose, there were times when I just lost interest.

The second half was quite lively with surprised audience members playing both queens and the duel with the Duke de Crappo and his sweeping brush horse was funny, if a little more pantomime than necessary.