DIDN’T someone once sing something along the lines of “A kiss is just a kiss…”

Not in Soapland, it isn’t.

Consider all the puckering up and slobbering going on this week. In EastEnders (BBC1) Big Pat Evans finally gives in and snogs Norman. Evans above – what next? Silver- haired Norman has fancied the queen of the big earrings for ages, but so far she’s resisted his romantic approaches with a slap on the wrist and a cry of “Get your hands off my knockers”.

Actually, I’m joking about that bit.

But Pat does share a kiss with Norman and invites him to stay the night with the promise that he can dunk his digestive in her cocoa.

But Norman isn’t all he seems, as Pat’s friend Patrick discovers the next morning. He learns that Norm makes his money by helping people get personal loans by using their property as collateral.

Oh dear – and Pat has already signed up for Norman’s financial scheme. But, as they say in furniture stores, she’s made her bed and must lie in it. With or without Norman.

Over in Emmerdale (ITV1) the couple locking lips are Moira Barton and Cain Dingle. Ah, I hear you say, isn’t she married to John? She is indeed, but is already harbouring secrets from him concerning Cain. The dodgy Dingle has been interested in Moira for ages, mainly because she seems to hate him so much. What he can’t have, Cain automatically wants.

And he has a hold over Moira. She’s agreed to secretly pay Cain a weekly instalment for the Land Rover he’s sold to her family. Cain decides he’ll take the latest instalment in kind rather than cash.

No time for kissing in Coronation Street (ITV1). Fiz is on trial for the murders husband John committed. He stalks Rosie, the ex-lover he kidnapped.

In fact, he holds Rosie hostage again and she’s not a fan of being tied up. But he wants to scare her into going to court and clearing Fiz’s name. It ends badly with John fatally hurt in a car crash.

But can he save Fiz from joining the cast of Bad Girls permanently?

There’s trouble at the mill – well, knicker factory – as Carla continues to be a bad boss by alienating her workforce, making them report to her every time they want to go to the loo or blow their nose.

Ever since she reported her now expartner Frank for rape, he’s been determined to ruin her Underworld business.

He’s already poached staff (so much more civilised than scrambling or frying them) and now her bossy managerial attitude is causing more friction.

It may not matter that much as she’s losing business hand over fist. Before long she won’t need any workers because she won’t have any work to give