I THOUGHT everyone loved a scandal – a spot of sex and intrigue, made all the spicier when politicians and spies are involved. Apparently not. The sparse audience for Monday’s first night of this play about Christine Keeler and the Profumo Affair didn’t reach triple figures in the grand circle.

And the four critics huddled together for warmth (who turned off the heating?) were very shocked – by this unfortunate production.

Somehow Gill Adams’ script manages to make the real-life Sixties story of the showgirl, the MP and the Russian spy as interesting as being stuck in a traffic jam.

It’s based on Keeler’s 2001 biography, but fails to offer any real insight into her swinging lifestyle. Alice Coulthard, right, gives her all, including full frontal nudity, as the young – Keeler was 18 – showgirl who mixes with politicians and criminals, but here is too often merely a foil for Paul Nicholas as her friend (pimp, more like) Stephen Ward.

Keeler is something of a pet project for Nicholas, who has developed and produces the play. But again, Ward remains no more than a bloke with a posh voice and debonair manner. His motivation remains a mystery. The actor’s wig shows more signs of life.

Matters aren’t helped by what looks like a Poundshop production featuring a swimming pool with no water, a flat that looks like it’s been furnished from the rubbish tip and a supporting cast who fail to impress.

􀁧 Until Saturday. Box office 0844-8713024 and online grandoperahouseyork.org.uk