HERE in Soapland the sex lives of residents are simple enough, extending little further than sleeping with your best friend's husband/wife, your sister/brother's girlfriend/boyfriend or, in the case of Leanne Battersby, with anyone with a crease in their trousers and a bulge in their wallet.

The idea of a menage a trois isn't a concept that anyone in Coronation Street (ITV1) can grasp. Certainly not the girls who toil in the knicker factory known as Underworld - mainly because they can't count to three. For some, un or deux is a number too far.

But Lloyd the cabby thinks all his Christmases have come at once when he finds himself sharing his home with two lovely ladies. What has he got, apart from a fare meter that ticks away faster than the heart of a man who's just seen Liz MacDonald bend over in a short skirt, to deserve this?

Lloyd only offers a bed to Kelly, but finds himself sharing with her Underworld work colleague Becky too after she's thrown out of her flat after spending the rent money buying Kelly, with whom she's obsessed, an expensive watch for her birthday.

Before you can say "bunny boiler", Becky is playing happy families with Lloyd and Kelly.

Before your mind starts racing with racy thoughts of three in a bed (and we don't mean daffodils), let me assure you that it's all perfectly innocent.

Becky goes no further than cooking Lloyd a good fry-up, believing the way to a man's heart is through his grease-clogged arteries.

Lloyd, being a man, likes all the attention but Kelly's put out when Becky starts borrowing her clothes.

She should be grateful - at least it's not his clothes she's wearing.

The threesome are safer indoors as the battling Baldwins are slugging it out on the cobbles. It's Adamant Adam's 18th birthday and he celebrates by throwing punches at his traitorous half-brother Danny Baldwin. This is taking the idea of having a birthday bash too literally.

The poor lad's upset that he didn't inherit dead dad Mike's business.

There wasn't even enough to buy him a decent haircut rather than the busby that's glued to his head.

Money is the problem for the soonto-be-ex Mrs Frankie Baldwin.

Danny offers her the place in Spain and sackloads of money as a divorce settlement. But his estranged son Jamie - who hates Danny as much as Adamant Adam - persuades her to hang out for half of everything.

Over in Walford, Little Mo is turning nasty in EastEnders (BBC1). The woman who wouldn't hurt a fly is now behaving like a big game poacher and taking potshots at everyone. Anxious to know how her little Freddie received his head injury, she attacks young Ben who already has to cope with being the son of Fill the Fug.

Elsewhere in the Square, the newimproved Grunt Mitchell - so soft you could wipe your bum with him - is still cosying up to Jane Collins.

Ian Beale's live-in lover knows that she shouldn't Grunt and Groan, but can't help herself time and time again. And again. And again.

When Ian gives her a nice necklace for her birthday, she decides that perhaps she should stay with him. Then Grunt shows up and gives her a birthday present - one that's wrapped, I hope, not in shiny paper but a condom. Alas, they get caught by Fill the Fug.

Eric Pollard is also caught with his trousers down in Emmerdale (ITV1). And on local election day too. He's standing, so to speak, for the local council when a photographer snaps him with dominatrix Shirley applying a threeline whip. With publicity like that he'll win by a landslide. And Shirley will have customers queuing round the block.