Fame or bu

Here in Soapland the judging panel – just me, actually, as judge, jury and executioner – would like to present Weatherfield’s Rosie Webster with the booby prize for most insensitive performance in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Consider the evidence. Her mother Sick Sally, the artist formerly known as Silly Sally, is undergoing tests for breast cancer.

So what does her daughter do? She tells everyone she wants a boob job to further enhance her career choice of glamour model.

This is the girl, known affectionately as Dozy Rosie, who slept with her teacher, was kidnapped by her teacher and was left loads of money by her teacher.

Talk about being teacher’s pet.

Having spent and/or lost all the cash, she’s reduced to earning a living as a promotions girl. Things got off to a dodgy start with a hilariously naff poster showing off her assets.

She took one look and decided that to keep abreast with all the modeling opportunities she needs bigger boobs. The timing isn’t good, what with Sick Sally in a hospital bed undergoing tests.

Rosie is pressing ahead regardless with having a boob job – about the only job for which her IQ qualifies her. Dad Kevin, fresh from his affair with a younger married woman, is hardly a role model, but supports her decision.

They set off for a family outing to the clinic to talk to the surgeon about the procedure.

Judging by pictures of Roxy’s busting-out-all-over funeral outfit with its Grand Canyon cleavage, she doesn’t need any augmentation in EastEnders (BBC1). At least she’s wearing black for the funeral of her dad, evil Archie, who left her lots of money and the Vic in his will.

It wouldn’t be a Walford funeral without copious weeping and a graveside confrontation, followed by a funeral tea fight in the Vic.

Who better to have a dig at than devious Janine, the spurned fiancee. Roxy makes sure than the cunning vixen knows she’s not welcome at the funeral (unless, of course, Janine climbs in the coffin with Archie and elects to be buried alive).

Then there’s pint-sized Peggy. Or rather, there’s not. Grieving Roxy is upset that Archie told wife Peggy that he was suffering from terminal cancer but not his daughters and bans Peggy from the funeral.

Back at the Vic, she gets even more upset by sister Ronnie’s cheery demeanour. But before they can come to blows, a stranger walks into the bar and announces he’s their brother Danny.

Big Pat doesn’t care much about all this as she’s lying in a hospital bed, having collapsed during a row with Janine over her role in Archie’s murder. Janine heads for the hospital chapel to pray for her recovery.

Perhaps she’ll bump into Psycho Sally, who’s religiously trying to land the Rev Ashley in Emmerdale (ITV1). She’s already driven away his wife Laurel in her quest to get the vicar all to herself. But a confrontation between the Rev and Psycho Sally in the church (that she set alight while Laurel was locked inside) ends with Ashley telling her never to darken his doorstep again.

If only. When he returns home, he finds she’s wrecked the place and left him a goodbye note – BURN IN HELL scrawled above the fireplace.

Clearly, she’s not taking the rejection well. And can Ashley really be sure that Psycho Sally has left for good or will she, like Dracula and Freddy from Elm Street, return to torment him further.