AT her age she should know better. But Queen Vic landlady pint-sized Peggy Mitchell is back underneath the Archie in EastEnders (BBC1) as she gets her estranged husband to stamp her bus pass.

Most pensioners are content with a winter fuel payment but Peggy wants more – a bunk-up with Archie. It’s one of those little and large couplings that doesn’t bear thinking about – and probably involves a stepladder.

The pair try to throw Walford residents off the scent by staging a row that ends with Peggy throwing Archie out of the Vic. It’s all a plot because no sooner has she screamed “Never darken my doorstep again” than she’s nipping out the back way to meet him at a secret location.

But she’s reckoned without Big Pat Butcher playing at being Miss Marple. She twigs what’s going on and tells Peggy to keep her knickers on before she upsets the Mitchell clan.

When Peggy has second thoughts and tells Archie it’s off again, he tries to win her round by claiming his cancer has returned.

He also tells his daughters, Ronnie and Roxy, about the reconciliation with Peggy. Bad idea. Ronnie storms off and sleeps with the first man she meets – exwifebeater Owen, probably as part of her plan to rent out her womb with a view to having another baby.

She seizes her chance when Owen calls round to fix a water leak at the Vic. She becomes a plumber’s mate.

No sooner has he become another notched on Ronnie’s crowded bedpost than the cops come calling. Preacher and murderer Lucas wants him out of the life of Owen’s ex-wife (and Lucas’ squeeze) Denise, so tells the police Lucas is in breach of a restraining order.

Call the Soapland fire brigade – the parish church in Emmerdale (ITV1) is on fire. And the Rev Ashley’s wife Laurel is trapped inside. This is no accident.

Demented Sally has organised Laurel’s demise so she can play happy families with old flame the Rev Ashley.

Once he finds out, the Rev will be as hot under the collar as his flaming wife Laurel. The burning issue is whether she’ll manage to escape. She’s already been singed when her coat caught fire the other day. Well, bonfire night is coming.

In Coronation Street (ITV1), jailbird John and new wife Fiz are reunited but don’t get a warm Weatherfield welcome from neighbour Silly Sally. She’s still miffed that John seduced her underage daughter, then kidnapped and held her prisoner.

Sally hits on a splendid idea to make them feel at home. She paints their windows black, an action that will make them see red.

These are dark days too for Joe the pill-popping kitchen installer.

Not only is he engaged to Gail the hamster but the debt collector has caught up with him, demanding £5,000.

Joe gives him his van, then tells Gail he sold it to buy an engagement ring. “Let’s get married at Christmas,” he says, a recipe for disaster if ever I heard one.

Roy Cropper of Roy’s Rolls eating establishment wonders whether he’ll still be buttering wife Hayley’s baps come the festive season after hearing cobbles killer Tony’s deathbed confession.

Trouble was, he recovered and Roy, understandably, is worried he could be on Tony’s list of things to do... away with.