Dead difficult

Not that I’m condoning the fact he went to elaborate lengths to get Liam bumped off and is now engaged to his widow and is bringing up his baby – but admittedly, Coronation Street (ITV1) hasn’t been the same since Richard Hillman plunged into that canal. How brilliant that we now have Hillman The Second, complete with equally insane eyes, to bring a bit of terror to our televisions.

Tony has got away with more than your fair share of crime so far. In the past year, he has planned Liam’s murder, as well as the attempted murders of Jed and his own Mrs, Carla, has convinced Maria she’s barking for thinking he planned her husband’s death, and has conned his way into her bed and the affections of the bereaved Connor family. Nice.

However, despite displaying absolutely zero sign of a conscience so far, Tony, thinking he’s at deaths door, suddenly goes all soft and ‘fesses up to Roy about his part in Liam’s death.

Unfortunately for Tony, his own expectation to die don’t go as smoothly as the hit-and-run he meticulously planned all those months ago – and he survives.

Poor old Roy – I’d watch your back from now on, mate, be sure to look out for cars mounting the pavement or random hitmen hanging about outside Roy’s Rolls.

Hayle, thinks the drugs Tony’s taking after his heart attack might have sent him a bit doolally. But Roy knows the truth – I can’t see it happening ahead of Christmas and the battle for the all-important ratings-winning storyline, but I’ll be watching every night just in case.

And in the week when Hillman The Second potentially drops himself in it, the widow of Hillman The First receives a marriage proposal from Joe. Only a few weeks ago, Joe was a drugcrazed lunatic, smashing up the doctor’s surgery and permanently sweating like he’s just done the Great North Run, but it must be said, the recovery is quite miraculous. After the writers clearly forgot about that little blip, or decided they couldn’t be bothered to pursue it (probably the latter, it was quite a rubbish storyline) Joe is now back to plain old kitchen fitter, but this week, is disappointed yet again when he’s made redundant from the hardware shop. Gail, as ever, offers to financially support him, and in return, Joe proposes aboard the boat, docked on the cobbles of Coronation Street. Titanic it is not, but it’s nice all the same.

Over in Emmerdale (ITV1), the villain theme, and the proposal theme for that matter, is continuing, with rich kid Nathan becoming even nastier in his pursuit of Layla and his quest to wreck her happiness with David.

After he gets lashed and crashes his car, he insists she take the blame – when she tries to hand in her notice at the shop, he refuses to allow her to leave. David, devastated at how distant Layla has been since her shenanigans with nasty Nathan, decides to propose in the Woolpack. Doug urges her to do the right thing and tell the truth to David – no doubt it’ll come out in the wash, but I’m banking on at least a bit more mileage out of this one first.

Over on Eastenders (BBC1), there’s more of Lucy being a little madam, more knowing looks between Syed and Christian, more Jane saying she wants a baby, more ‘who’s the daddy’ malarky, all getting a bit predictable to be honest. A decent storyline is badly needed – how about a plane crash?

It’s been a while since we had one in a soap, I think Emmerdale was the last one getting on for 20 years ago. At least it would actually give them all something to be miserable about, goodness knows they look it every episode.