OKAY, I confess my interest in this was always going to veer on the toe-tapping edge of ironic, but sweet Jesus, redemption was hard to find.

It was not the superlativeladen build-up that got me.

Canned applause? Oh please, change the track. My ultra problem with the huge Irish dancing phenomenon is that it’s all dubbed.

I can’t begin to describe (oh all right then, I will) how pitifully fraudulent it feels to see fabulous dancers dancing faster than a hummingbird on a high-energy drink to a soundtrack.

Are that fetching duo doing live fiddling? Is that peculiarly Pagan creation in a tuppence ha’penny glittery catsuit actually blowing sincerely on her penny whistle? Is that sound the dancers actually dancing? It’s all as fake as those dodgy Eighties hairpieces.

Here was I, desperately trying to piece some coherent narrative from subliminal Christian symbolism (the title, white equals good, black robotesque mask equals bad) but hang on, where’s the glitter in the Messiah tale?

I wanted it in all its folksy imperfections, live and unadorned. What I got was some glitzy, loud pretender and frankly Mr Flatley, it was utterly hellish.

■ Until Sunday. Box office: 0844-8472499. Sunderland empire.co.uk ticketmaster.co.uk/lordofthe dance Sarah Scott