LUKE who’s talking.

Underworld boss Luke Strong knows how to woo a girl. It’s not flowers or chocolates that’ll win her heart according to the knicker entrepreneur in Coronation Street (ITV1). No, what a girl likes is a trip to the seaside. But this Strong man doesn’t taking her to Blackpool to hear Michelle ask: “Is that Blackpool Tower or are you just pleased to see me?”

He stays closer to home, not even leaving the cobbled back streets of Manchester. He creates Weatherfield-on-Sea in the back garden of No 7.

All it takes is a few bags of sand, deckchairs and drinks with cocktail umbrellas and you could be on the beach in the South of France, or Southend at the every least.

Michelle is suitably impressed, although the alcohol may have something to do with her ending up flat on her back. This is the most unusual holiday romance she’s ever had. She also has Luke, although I should warn her to be careful – sand gets everywhere and there are some places you don’t want sandcastles.

This brief sandy encounter is bad news for Peter Barlow, Michelle’s other suitor. Mind you, this former alcoholic is probably most annoyed at missing out on the cocktails.

Alas, Michelle’s holiday is spoiled by her son Ryan. The teenager gets the fright of his life when girlfriend Sian’s dad threatens to batter him for sexually assaulting his daughter.

The truth is that Weatherfield’s Romeo and Juliet haven’t done it yet, although the packet of condoms in Sian’s handbag leads her father to another conclusion.

Peter comes to Ryan’s rescue, presumably hoping that Sian keeps a hip flask in her handbag as well as prophylactics.

Sian’s dad isn’t the only person turning violent. Silly Sally goes storming in on learning that Fiz is back with former flame, schoolteacher John, who engaged in private biology lessons with Sally’s daughter.

There’s a wedding of sorts in Emmerdale (ITV1). It’s a Wylde affair as Mark and Natasha renew their marriage vows. The occasion is marred by the unwelcome, indeed uninvited, presence of flame-headed mystery woman Faye Lamb, or Baa as her friends know her.

Mark worries that she’ll be the one to stand up and mouth off when the vicar asks if anyone objects to the wedding.

Jimmy, one of the few remaining King brothers, proposes to Nicola in a bid to force her to reveal that she’s pregnant. He’s even got a name for the baby that he’s convinced will be a boy – James Frederick King III.

Another of Emmerdale’s youngsters Belle is showing off her magic skills at a variety show.

Uncle Shadrock, understandably perhaps, does a runner when asked to get into the decapitation chamber.

Bob loses his head and bravely volunteers to stand in.

Unfortunately – you knew I was going to say that, didn’t you? – a smoke bomb triggers the fire sprinklers and audience get soaked, leaving Bob trapped in the decapitation contraption.

Silly Billy is due to give evidence in EastEnders (BBC1) in the trial of gangland boss Terry Bates over the murder of Jase Dyer. He’s still feeling guilty at not doing anything to prevent his death and has the frighteners put on him by Terry’s wife.

Jase’s son, it seems, is being held to stop Billy giving evidence. It’s no good expecting help from Fill the Fug as he’s hammered again, so Billy decided to fump the bad guys himself.

Walford casualty should go on red alert to receive what’s left of Billy after the fight.