ANDY Sugden is a free man. His decree nisi comes through in Emmerdale (ITV1) and the silly man immediately starts making plans to get married again.
He wants Jo Stiles to know he's no fly-by-night lover and that she's going up in the world with him around - in a hot air balloon.
Andy intends to propose to her during a romantic balloon ride over the Yorkshire countryside, hopefully not one of those bearing the Virgin logo as this is a condition with which Jo is no longer acquainted.
Alas, the flight doesn't go as planned. Jo's in the basket waiting for Andy to climb in when - and you have to laugh - a goat chews through the mooring rope, and Jo finds herself going up, up and away.
It ends happily enough as Jo comes down to earth and Andy makes the earth move by going down on one knee, carefully avoiding cowpats, and proposes to her. Then it's off to the Woolpack so Jo can flash her new rock at Andy's ex k-k-k-Katie.
Elsewhere in the village, what-a-gay-day Grayson finally works out that his psycho mother Rosemary is trying to send his wife Perdy mad.
The evil old mother-in-law has made a fatal mistake by leaving the imprint of the suicide note she's written for Perdy on the ink blotter. Grayson finds it and puts two and two together.
Diamonds are Debbie Dingle's best friend and she doesn't intend to let her accomplices in the jewel snatch get their hands on the loot. She's going it alone in selling the stolen necklace, which doesn't go down too well with fellow thief Lexi.
She should be thankful she's not involved with Demonic David Platt in Coronation Street (ITV1) whose campaign against his mother, Gail the hamster, takes a twisted new turn. First of all, he nearly gets her arrested for beating him up.
He's annoyed that Gail is taking his rent directly out of his wages, so he goes into town and gets himself beaten up by a gang of youths. Then he tells the police that his mother inflicted the injuries. Oh, what a twisted mind he has. There's more. He does unspeakable things to his niece Bethany's doll. The trainee hairdresser gets to work on the doll's hair with a razor and gives her a radical style. Chances are Bethany's bonce is next for a remodel.
Hayley, who was remodelled as a woman from her former existence as Harold the man, has an addition to the family. One that husband Roy is none too pleased about. He thought he and Hayley were virgins on their wedding night, unaware that Hayley had fathered a son as Harold.
Having tracked down son Christian to a record shop, Hayley goes in but fails to reveal her true identity. She tells him that she's his father's sister and that his father is dead which is, I suppose, easier than telling him that his father is now his mother.
Even stranger happenings in EastEnders (BBC1) where chip shop entrepreneur Ian Beale has a surprise visitor. A shock because he thought ex-wife Cindy was dead. Now she's sending messages from beyond the grave, via daughter Lucy's computer. He finds hundreds of e-mails from Cindy, the woman who hired a hit man to get rid of him. He smells her perfume and finds the words "I'm back, Ian" written on a mirror. Sounds like a job for the Most Haunted team to me.
Chelsea and Deano are fearful for their lives in Albert Square now that Sleazy Sean, the man they tried to frame for the mini-market assault, is back on the streets. He takes a leaf out of Demonic David's book and Chelsea wakes up to find all her hair has been hacked off. And then Sean goes round to give Deano a thumping.
Saucy Shirley gets something else when Fill the Fug comes calling. He's drunk, having fallen off the wagon, and makes a pass at her. The question is whether Shirley will take it lying down.
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