OH dear, what can the matter be? Cathy Matthews stuck in the lavatory. Yes, the latest chapter in the Coronation Street (ITV) romance between hapless Brian and the former hoarder reaches its conclusion this week when Roy realises they've been carrying on under his nose. Meanwhile, Bethany tries to run away with Nathan, despite Mary's attempt to stop her (and the fact she hasn't got a passport).
Amateur detective Craig smells something fishy with bent copper Neil, while Faye's love life is also a serious issue as Tim hauls Seb over the coals for having sex with the 15-year-old. Elsewhere, Anna and Kevin have an argument; he storms out and into the arms of Erica, who's smarting over the fact Dev has forgotten her birthday.
There's also the matter of Aidan and Maria's affair. Will he finally come clean about his fling when a photo of them kissing arrives? Let's hope so.
Father's day should be a happy event, but it's a given that the folks of Albert Square (EastEnders, BBC One) will have a miserable time as this week's helpings prove. Aside from Jane threatening to kick Kathy out, Ian struggles to celebrate his special day, which leaves Steven feels rejected, despite attempting a father-son gesture.
After Jack and Lauren join forces to arrange a surprise for another Walford dad, Max, Abi goes off in a huff. Eventually Abi gets her revenge when she tells Steven of Lauren's abortion, leaving him gobsmacked. Later, when Steven spots Lauren and Josh chatting amiably, he's fuming, and delivers a harsh warning.
Elsewhere, Sharon is so worried about Louise, she attempts to find the truth about what happened, leading to a shock when she confronts Keegan.
When Lily finds out about Stacey's pregnancy, there's a hypothetical sound of feline paws tearing themselves free of a proverbial bag. Ted and Joyce are gutted when daughter Judith calls off her visit; Kush has a run-in with the police, and Michelle and Tom finally agree to go on a date together.
There was a time when Emmerdale's (ITV) rural matters were a cosy affair. These days it looks more like Scarface with wellies.
Robert has finally had enough of Ross's blackmailing, so both he and Aaron decide to strike back. After having Ross's taxi crushed, the cab-free criminal take Robert's car.
There's more car trouble for the Bartons when Ross and Finn are later caught moving bags full of cannabis into Emma's vehicle. With miffed dealers and a stabbing in store, we wouldn't be too surprised if Al Pacino turned up covered in drugs by the end of the week.
Meanwhile, Chrissie tries to get to the bottom of Lawrence's suspicious behaviour, and he eventually reveals that Tim Richards is the brother of John, her biological dad.
Elsewhere, Paddy's heart breaks when Rhona struggles to tell Leo that Pierce won't be coming back; a guilty Pete declares his love for Leyla, and Lachlan is worried that Belle is going to dump him.
Your mission Xanthe, should you choose to accept it, is to be as mysterious as possible this week in Neighbours (C5). And she certainly manages that when she leaves work early and disappears from view.
Gary, Sheila and Elly are understandably concerned about her strange behaviour, and try to get to the bottom of the mystery before it's too late. When she eventually returns home, there's more questions than a series of Mastermind as Gary and Sheila wonder what she's been up to.
Meanwhile, Terese makes a disturbing discovery and requests a meeting with Karl before the Robinsons join forces to help each other.
Elsewhere, Finn is sent over the edge after a chance encounter with local residents. And while Sonya hopes that someone will be around to defend her on her day of reckoning, Aaron and Tyler are suspicious when Paige arrives home early from Queensland but does not want to talk about her trip.
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