A WEEK doesn't go by without someone saying how much they miss Charlie the builder with the big tool box from Coronation Street (ITV1).

The cobbles haven't been the same since he popped his clogs after being bashed over the head by Terrible Tracy.

Sometimes I hear the sound of his trusty Black and Decker as he mends the Pearly Gates. Or perhaps that whirring sound is Ena Sharples spinning in her grave about the murder, adultery, sex and violence that's afflicted Weatherfield since her demise.

Charlie must be smiling at what's happening to Claire, who gave evidence against him at Terrible Tracy Barlow's trial for his murder.

Rather than Charlie roasting in hell as a result of his misdeeds, it's Claire who's getting hot under the collar.

She lies unconscious at the bottom of the stairs as the Peacock residence goes up in flames. I reckon it was Charlie who moved the staircase - property developers Granada admit the layout of the Peacock residence has altered - knowing that, in the event of a fire, Claire wouldn't be able to find the staircase.

He's reckoned without Jamie and Kirk, who notice smoke billowing out of the house and realise that Claire has done more than burnt the toast.

They rescue her so she can lie back and think of England in scenario number 35 in the book of soap plots - the hospital bedside vigil. Some of Soapland's residents, it must be said, have done their finest acting while unconscious.

Kirk is down in the dumps after girlfriend Fiz dumps him. Truly, the Fiz has gone out of his lovelife. She's lusting after old flame (not a word I should use in front of Claire) and her first love, John the drama teacher. No wonder Fiz is making a drama out of a crisis.

Lusty Leanne gives up her job for love. She hands in her notice as an escort, which is a posh way of describing a women who sleeps with men for money. She's seeking a new position that isn't in the Weatherfield Kama Sutra - romance with Liam Connor, who's unaware of her exotic employment, although he does wonder why she invoices him for services rendered every time they sleep together.

The idea of a Dingle in a police uniform is unthinkable, unless one is impersonating an officer while committing a criminal offence. But then Donna is a Windsor-Dingle, having married into the Dreadful Dingle family by walking down the aisle with Marlon in Emmerdale (ITV1).

Now she's a special constable and her long arm of the law extends to arresting devious Eric Pollard. She nabs him for speeding, no brake light and talking on his mobile phone while at the wheel. The story makes the front page of the Hotten Courier.

POLLARD TRAPPED BY THE DINGLES screams the headline, making it sound like he's had a really painful accident. Pollard's revenge is swift and terrible. He sells the piece of land on which Donna and Marlon are building their eco-friendly house.

Doctor heal thyself would be my advice to Mad Dr May in EastEnders (BBC1). She's already tried to buy her husband's lover's baby and then had him arrested for giving her a black eye. Now it's nurse Naomi's turn to find out that it's not a case of Dr May but Dr Will definitely stitch her up.

Naomi's catching on to the psycho medic's dependence on prescription drugs and questions her about it. Bad move, Naomi. Dr May plants pills in the nurse' purse and then exposes her in public as a pill-pusher.

Over in Soapland Hospital, the bed next to Claire's is occupied by young Peter Beale, who's very poorly after his dip in the river during the Beale/Mitchell awayday to hell.

The only good thing to come out of it is that Fill the Fug Mitchell and Ian Chip On His Shoulder Beale stand together in the face of potential tragedy - which is a bit like seeing Pollard and the Dingles shaking hands and making up.