THE path of true love in Soapland is as crooked as Richard III's back. Even declaring your feelings in love letters has drawbacks as petty criminal Michael, who burgled Gail the hamster's home, is about to find out in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Gail, you may recall, has been corresponding with Michael, the Les Dennis lookalike, while he's been behind bars for handling her nicknacks. Now he's out and working in a garden centre. He writes to tell Gail all about it and receives a letter in return. Not marked SWALK although the contents – she writes that she believes they have a future together – do set his heart aflutter.

So, off he goes to tell Gail that he feels the same and he'd like to get his feet under her table instead of stealing it. He's shocked that she's shocked to see him on the doorstep (which, you have to admit, is better than trying to force your way in her back door). He shows her the letter only for her to tell him she didn't write it.

Someone has been playing silly blighters. It was Kylie, who wrote it as a joke. She was taking the Michael. He goes back to work, but before you can say "you're knicked" David and Kylie turn up and start warning people about him. They say things like "watch your wallet while Michael's around" and "don't trust this jailbird".

Where is this leading? Up the garden centre path perhaps. There's certainly a strange meeting involving Eileen, Steve and a ball of wool. Does she want to knit Michael a jumper? Or Gail a tea cosy? More importantly, will Gail defy her family and take up with Weatherfield's answer to Raffles?

In EastEnders (BBC1), Mick of the Vic has a birthday surprise for wife Linda. Not, it seems, a nice meal or a romantic weekend away. No, he's concealed what he wants to give her under wraps. To be precise, under a pink negligee (he looks quite fetching in it). Or perhaps I've got it wrong and the negligee is the present. Either way, we should perhaps draw the curtains and leave them to it – or at it.

Carol learns about Bee-anchor's money troubles (ie she hasn't got any) that causes tension in the Butcher household, which isn't much if a fun palace at the best of times. Sonia tries to come up with a plan although she's as good with money as the Chancellor. Perhaps she could start playing her trumpet on street corners. Or ask Alfie who clashes with Alek over his latest get-rich-quick scheme.

Jai's cash flow problem in Emmerdale (ITV1) could be solved by Le-Le-Leyla. She has money to burn, but says no deal when he tells her she's still expected to work on the factory floor. So off Leyla goes and proposes a business investment to Megan. She used to work in a lap dancing club, so why not open one in the village?

Georgia is unhappy to hear that single mother Priya is planning an arranged marriage because she doesn't want to be a single mother, so she does her best to put potential suitors off.

And there's a famous face in the saddle as the Tour de France pedals towards Yorkshire. Olympic cycling star Victoria Pendleton relaunches the revamped Home Farm, which was burnt down at Christmas.