Bernie still inspires me

FOR Coleen Nolan, another reunion of the Nolans has been put on hold following the death of her sister Bernie last year. “I think the other girls are probably more ready for it than I am. It’s too soon for me,” says TV’s Loose Woman panelist.

“I can’t imagine doing it without Bernie. Not yet. I would miss her even more every single night because that was her favourite thing – performing. It would just feel weird.”

The sisters had been planning a second reunion tour when Bernie became ill again with cancer. Her illness and the brave way she fought against it are a big part of Coleen’s second autobiography No Regrets, a follow-up to Up Front And Personal, which spent 16 weeks at the top of the bestsellers list.

The new book covers the past five eventful years in her life – not just Bernie’s illness but difficulties in her marriage, her exit (and now return) from ITV’s Loose Women, appearances on Celebrity Big Brother and Dancing On Ice along with the truth about the sisters’ very public rows. She wrote it partly, she says, “because I was asked”, but found it helpful to recall difficult times.

“I went into it as if I was writing a diary. Certainly for all the painful stuff, like my sister’s illness and death, it was very therapeutic and cathartic because I had hidden so much emotion inside.

“Painful as it was, it was good to put it on paper and helped my grieving for my sister and I was also able to tell people, really express how much I love her.”

She did question whether to discuss in print the problems, now resolved, that threatened her marriage to musician husband Ray Fensome.

But she believed than an autobiography has got to be truthful.

“I couldn’t close off the bad stuff because that’s not really what life’s like. I didn’t want to feel I was cheating anybody by not putting it all in. I pick up so many magazines and think, ‘that’s not the truth’ so it’s nice to be able to put the record straight,” she says.

“There’s nothing I left out. There were things I had to think long and hard about because I knew once it was written I’d have to talk about it.

“But I wanted people to know. I’m an agony aunt for the Mirror and want people to know that I’ve gone through all the bad things as well as the fantastic things in my life.

“I’m able to say I know how you feel. Being an agony aunt is hard and makes you appreciate all the good things you have in your life because some of the letters I receive are tragic, although some are very funny.”

She movingly recounts sister Bernie’s battle with cancer and her refusal to give in to the illness. It’s clear that her death has altered the way Coleen sees things.

“When you have someone very close die it changes your whole outlook on everything. It puts everything in perspective,” she says. “I have come to terms with it, but will never forget.

It will always be a massive part of me and us as a family. Bernie was the life and soul of it.”

Even though absent, her sister has been an inspiration for Coleen getting on with her own life. “If it hadn’t been for Bernie it would have been a lot longer for me to get out there and do what I’m doing,” she explains.

Coleen, left, says Bernie was the singing act’s life and soul

“If I just feel like staying at home I hear her saying, ‘Get out there, you lazy cow, and get out to work’. Even in death she gives me an incentive to get back out there.

“She never gave up the fight. She worked until she couldn’t work anymore because of the illness. Before she died she sat us down and said, ‘When I die obviously you’re going to cry, but then I want you to stop crying and get out there’. That’s what keeps me going.”

Coleen has reorganised her life in the past year, returning to Loose Women and continuing her agony aunt column. The blip in her marriage also caused her to take stock. Now she feels the life/work balance is “fab” with two days a week on the TV programme and then her agony aunt work which can be done at home.

“I’m loving it being back on Loose Women, but my home life is more important. I work to make a living and hopefully give my kids not a particularly lavish lifestyle, but a nice enough one. That’s what work is for me.”

She’s keen to do more TV documentaries, like the one she did on cosmetic surgery. As for more reality show appearances, she says “Who knows?”.

She’s already done Dancing On Ice and Celebrity Big Brother, where she and Coronation Street’s Julie Goodyear didn’t see eye to eye. “At the moment I haven’t been asked to do another. I always said I wouldn’t do Dancing On Ice – and then I did it.

“I’d like to do a really nice one like Strictly.

I love dancing and would love to learn to do it properly. The others offer the threat of breaking every bone or being mentally tortured.”

She’s never had a five-year plan like everyone else seems to have had. “I don’t know what next week’s plan is, let alone five years,” she says. “There are things I want to do but I love what I do – and if that’s all I get to do, I’m fine with that.”

• No Regrets by Coleen Nolan, Penguin, £16.99