WALFORD welcomes in the New Year with a funeral.

These EastEnders (BBC1) take advantage of any excuse for a good old knees-up and the passing of Pauline Foultemper Fowler is a cause of joy to many.

It hardly seems five minutes since she popped her clogs in Albert Square and now they're burying the Queen of the Launderette. The undertakers must have been working overtime in EastEnders (BBC1) to arrange a funeral so quickly over the holiday period.

Anyone would think they were glad to get rid of her. Just as long as they remember the stake through heart before closing the coffin, Soapland should be a safe place once more.

And as they'll be short-staffed at the launderette, employment opportunities will open up. There's always a positive side to everything, isn't there?

The funeral is spoiled by party-poopers when the police show up following up leads - the one belonging to Pauline dog's Betty probably - into her death. While son Martin, formerly the tallest man in soap, and nephew Ian are grieving, Sonia is acting suspiciously (nothing unusual there, you might suggest). When daughter Rebecca confesses she witnessed something, it looks like Lesbos-loving Sonia might feel the long arm of the law (which she might quite enjoy).

Away from the graveside, Kevin Wicks gets an unwanted visitor - Burly Shirley, the estranged wife he wants to forget. He warned her to stay away from their children Deano and Carly (or Beano and Dandy as others call them). But Shirl's a girl who won't do what she's told.

As for Dawn Swann, she's had another offer for her unborn baby. Its father, married man Rob, has given her the cash to have a termination. Now his wife Dr May Wright offers to buy the baby. Presumably to raise it, not eat it (although I wouldn't put anything passed Walford residents).

An unborn baby is causing problems in Coronation Street (ITV1) too. Pregnant Shrinking Violet, who's left the father Jamie, has bad pains on New Year's Day. She only just manages to dial 999 with her tongue (only joking) before collapsing on the floor.

Jamie has other things on his mind, like a flight to Spain. He and Frankie, his former step-mother who raised and has of late aroused him, are planning to run away together. They can't stay in Weatherfield because people keep making remarks about their affair. Things like, "she should be tucking you up, not jumping into bed with you".

Frankie's worried about Jamie's aggressive streak, not to mention his highlights. He was the last person to see her ex-husband/his father Danny, who hasn't been heard of since. Frankie wonders if she wouldn't be better off going to Spain alone.

Departing Emmerdale (ITV1) is Toni Daggert, but not before she's caused maximum chaos. When Paddy the vet gives her jewellery as a belated Christmas present, the daft cow thinks he's proposing. Paddy Whack lets her think he's serious.

Toni gets all jealous when she sees old rival Delilah laughing with Dishy David and gives him a great big kiss. This turns out to be a bad idea as the tongue action is witnessed by both Del and Paddy. So it's handbags at dawn for Del and Toni.

Donna Windsor-Dingle and husband Marlon continue to fight for jailed Dingle cousin Lilith's kids. Why they should want to give a home to four unruly youngsters is beyond me. Donna would do better to change her name to Donna Dingle-Bells at this time of year and forget about the children.